Why I’ve Been MIA….

(For you non-Americans, that stands for “missing in action.”)

Hey there. I know I’ve been a bit absent of late, and I apologize. Things have been very busy, but also very stressful. I’ve been going through some stuff, and some of it is very challenging emotionally.

First the busy stuff — I’ve been trying to find a place where Mil and I can move in together. We’ve both been trying to find a place, whether in Hawaii or Australia. There are benefits and drawbacks to both places, but the bottom line is that one of us would have to emigrate, and of course that’s always tough. We nearly bought a house together on the Big Island, but the erupting volcano forestalled our plans. (It’s probably a good thing it didn’t erupt AFTER we’d bought some property in the area, but it was still a huge disappointment.)

Most recently, we’d applied for some “affordable housing” on Oahu, right in town. Rather than buying a home we’d be renting an apartment. But the apartment is in a very convenient location, and it’s supposedly built especially for artists. If we get it, Mil could do her art and I could do my writing. There was a lottery and we drew a fairly low number, so we do have a chance. But it’s been a real roller coaster ride trying to qualify. We’ve had criminal background checks done, submitted years of financial statements, and sat for two 2-hour interviews. If we qualify, there will also be an artists’ panel interview.

We were originally turned down for the apartment, but went through an appeals process and are back in the running. I had to quit one of my part-time jobs in order to qualify. The construction of the building has had delays, so the move-in date has been pushed back 3 times now. Every time they push things back, we have to submit new statements to verify employment and financial accounts. It’s pretty grueling, but it’s all we have to hope for at this point.

While this has been going on, I’ve also been dealing with the fact that a close friend has developed early-onset dementia. We were partners for 11 years, and even after we broke up, we remained in close contact (as lesbians tend to do). She’s like family to me. She’s in another state, and she’s been caring for her mother who has full blown dementia. She doesn’t have any family who can care for her, so I’ve been trying, with the help of her friends, to handle things long-distance. Trying to find resources, trying to handle her finances so all her bills are paid, trying to qualify for assistance, trying to battle her deep depression and fear.

When she has moments of lucidness, she cries about not understanding what’s happening to her. But most of the time she’s depressed, or angry, or frustrated. Her world has closed up, she can no longer do the simplest things, and her very personality has changed from a bright, sweet, funny woman to someone with the narrowest vision and no hope. I can’t even begin to tell you how heart-wrenching it all is. It saps my energy and the worry causes insomnia that affects my health. I haven’t written anything new in months.

I’m not complaining, because nothing I’m experiencing can be as awful as what she’s experiencing. But I wanted you all to know why I’ve been less visible and responsive. Recently, I watched the entire season of “Gentleman Jack” and became inspired to start writing again. The writing is slow, but at least it’s something. If you haven’t seen the series, I can’t recommend it highly enough. It’s beautifully affirming for lesbians, but even if you’re not a lesbian I still think you should watch it. It’s incredibly clever and funny, and approaches its subject in an innovative way. The tone of the series is modern and jaunty and not like the usual BBC period drama at all. The theme song is awesome, and the way the characters “break the fourth wall” and send speaking looks to the camera will have you laughing out loud.

So….to summarize, I just wanted you all to know what’s going on with me, and how much I appreciate your patience. I also wanted to end on a hopeful note, because I also binge-watched 4 seasons of SuperGirl in a couple of weeks, and that show is all about hope. 😀 Where would we be without TV, eh?

This entry was posted in Miscellany, Philosophical Stuff. Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to Why I’ve Been MIA….

  1. Wookie says:

    Alyx I am amazed, what an incredible rollercoaster of an emotional ride you and Mil are having. Couple this alongside the the heartbreaking situation of your close friend with the unbelievable support you are supplying and long distance too, which is never easy.
    Your strength and caring shine throughout this tumultuous time. You will get through it all and come out the other end stronger still. I truly hope your friend’s situation is able to be resolved as best it possibly can and soon, to hopefully help her through this sad time.
    Remember to take care of your own health though please. It is just as important.
    It will be great to see your writing again and I agree the BBC have definitely come up with a modern period drama for once. It’s awesome!
    Sending hugs to you and Mil. Keep going, you’ll get there, 🤗

    • Alyx says:

      Thanks, Wookie. It’s been a bit crazy, but will hopefully even out soon. Your comforting words mean a lot. *hugs* (All the GJ fan vids on You Tube have been great too! 😀 )

  2. cj says:

    Alyx, I am sending you as much positive energy as I can. I wish the best for you and Mil as you continue to pursue a life together and that the hurdles stop and you are in your artist community soon. It is hard to find the right words to express what you are going through with your friend. Dementia is cruel. May you all feel love. 🥰

    • Alyx says:

      Thanks, CJ. It’s unbelievably painful to watch someone you love going through dementia, but I know more and more people are having to deal with that. Cross my fingers on the housing situation. I do feel the love and it is certainly returned. *hugs*

  3. Robin says:

    Alyx I’m so sorry to hear about the hardships you and Mil are going through with the apartment and the terrible desease your close friend is suffering from. Its heartbreaking to no end when a loved one goes into dementia. My father had it before he died three years ago so I know you are going through an increadibly hard time. Its one of the cruelest of deseases I believe, especially if it comes early, and its striking hard at the friends and relatives too. You are a wonderful brave friend who are doing all you can to help.
    With all my heart I wish you strength and bright joyful times between the hard ones. I’m happy you and Mil have each other in these tough times. Take care of yourself as much as you can, its easy to get too exhausted when you try to help. Please dont forget your own needs.
    I hope for you and Mil that you very soon have your apartment settled. It sounds very nice with a place made for artists like that and you both deserve it so very much.
    I’ ve been watching some episodes of GJ and I love it too!😊 I will see the rest as soon as I get the opportunity. I have prioritized the world cup lately…🙄. Supergirl is great too. Im happy you can enjoy some really brilliant TV Alyx.😊 A good laugh, brilliant clever humour and a hopeful message can be so valuable. Warm hugs to you Alyx and warmest sympathy for your close friend who bravely cared for her mother before this happened.

    • Alyx says:

      Hi Robin, thank you for your sympathy and compassion. I’m sorry to hear about your father — that must’ve been so painful! *hugs* Unfortunately as people are living longer I think more and more of us will be experiencing that. I appreciate your good wishes regarding Mil’s and my living situation…keep your fingers crossed for us.

      It’s good to hear you’re enjoying GJ too. I don’t blame you for being caught up in the World Cup, though. It’s just as exciting to watch strong women challenging each other, isn’t it? 😀

  4. Peachie says:

    Finally I can access all this (in Thailand right now)!
    Keeping my fingers crossed for the apt. situation. Or you guys can move to northern Thailand where sir is fresh, people are friendly, food is great, and living is a lot cheaper!!! 😉
    Really really sad to hear about S. 😦 So sad the dementia has claimed her and the thought is almost unbearable especially since I’ve met her and know (you’re right) she was such a bright, outgoing, warm, nurturing, and funny person. She took me out sightseeing twice when I was in her city and we had so much fun! I’ve been really upset about this news since you told me and feel frustrated that I can’t help. If there’s a small way I can do anything, please let me know ok?!

    • Alyx says:

      Thanks, Peachie, that means a lot. *hugs* Yes, it’s incredibly sad and extremely painful. She always spoke fondly of you, btw. I know she enjoyed those outings too. Things would be a lot easier if she were living here, but maybe they would be harder too, in a way. In any case, I’m sure everyone involved feels very helpless, but I do really appreciate your kind words and especially your support.

      Mil and I actually discussed living in Thailand or Indonesia or somewhere cheap like that. But even though our money would go a long way, it would be only a temporary situation. Neither of us really wants to be far away from our families forever. 🙂

  5. Peachie says:

    Oops, darned auto correct. You know I wouldn’t say sir is fresh right?! Plenty pretty women here though. lol

  6. Ash says:

    So sorry about your friend, Alyx. You told me about her a while ago, but I had no idea how bad it was. It sounds horrible being in that situation and not having any family that can help, and it sounds horrible seeing your friend go through this and not being able to fix it. 😦

    And that apartment process? Jeez! I had no idea it was that complicated. I don’t really understand why you had to quit a job in order to “qualify.”

    It sounds to me that you need a “no adulting today” pass. *hands one over* You need some Alyx time to re-charge your batteries.

    • Alyx says:

      Thanks for the pass, Ash! I do need time to recharge. 😀

      Yeah, it’s pretty hard at the moment. And I had to quit one of my jobs because they said we made too much money for an “affordable housing” project. Which I couldn’t understand, because we bring in far less than the median household income. But it turns out they were counting my retirement account as “income.” They were assessing interest on it and saying it was income. Even though I have no access to that money and am not receiving interest payments on it. They said, “Well, one day you’ll have it.” 😦 Anyway, it’s a pain in the butt, but no choice but to jump through the hoops. :p

      • Ash says:

        That sounds really strange. 😮 It’s hard for me to understand because things work a little differently before, but I can totally understand people being a pain in the ass.
        My cousin, who has cancer, was told she couldn’t receive financial support, even though she had no income because of her illness, because she was probably well enough to work! Luckily my aunt made phone calls and sent angry letters to the right people. Students apparently don’t have the same rights as everybody else. I hate when those who are supposed to help make things difficult for those who need it the most.

  7. Ellie says:

    Alyx, I’m so sorry you’re going through all this messy stuff, with your apartment and your friend. Life can be cruel and draining, but it sounds like you’re fighting back. You’re a brave woman and your attention to your friend speaks tons of how kindhearted you are too. I’ll send you positive energy and cross my fingers that things get better soon for you, Mills and your beloved ones. You deserve a break. Good luck for everything

    • Alyx says:

      Thanks, Ellie. I appreciate the positive energy and crossed fingers. I’m sure one day everything will be fine, and I know Mil and I can’t wait to really start our life together. Guess everyone has to deal with tough things in their life….I know I’m very lucky in so many ways. 🙂

  8. Leandra Summers says:

    That is all very tough. Moving and deciding where to live are ranked high up on the stress scale. I hope it all works out and you take each day as it comes, doing the next task as it comes to hand.
    As for your friend that must feel terrible. It is a reminder for everyone to live life to the fullest as we never know what is around the corner. Her depression and anxiety will be making it far worse and some of what seems are symptoms of early dementia might actually be the severe depression. You are good to help her as much as possible. I have a friend whose mother has it and she is so scared she will get it that she drinks excessively. Always have hope…because every day new cures and treatments are found. Thinking of you…

    • Alyx says:

      Thanks, Leandra. Yes, I so agree on the “live life to the fullest” philosophy. It happens so many times that health or security or relationships can be snatched from us without warning at any moment. And all we can do is try to enjoy all the moments we can, and be thankful for the good times. I sure hope we do find a cure, because they say there’s an “epidemic” on its way (due to great number of aging people) and we are totally unprepared for it.

      Anyway, I do appreciate all the love and support shown me….your kind words mean a lot. 🙂

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