The Night Before Xmas (with apologies to Tigger, for doing a top’s rendition of her idea)

By Alyx

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the village
Brats were planning and plotting, getting ready to pillage.
Shaving cream and silly string, hid out of sight,
Super Glue and alcohol, all locked up tight.

The tops were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of red bottoms danced in their heads.
With me in my PJs, and TMT in hers too,
Aspen, Beck, Mia, and Micah wore…well, who really knew?

When outside my window there came a soft sound,
I crept from my bed to have a good look around.
(I did not wake TMT, not with look, deed nor word,
For despite her sweet nature, she’s a grouch when disturbed.)

The moon was full-shining on the village green grass,
And lit all the objects that were trying to pass.
When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But brats sneaking by, bent double with gear!

A long line of rascals, tippy-toeing like mice,
(Except that most rodents would likely think twice.)
All dressed up in black, with an occasional hood,
These miscreants, I could tell, were up to no good.

I got out my flashlight (that’s “torch” to you Brits)
And got ready to shout, and scare them to bits.
My plan? To light up each disobedient face,
Explain to each brat why she was in disgrace,

Then roll up my sleeves and get busy whacking,
With the paddle in my pocket (a top’s always packing*)
But as I took breath, preparing to yell,
A racket on the roof! My thought: What the hell??

The line of brats froze, they looked up with great fear,
For who should it be, with her eight tiny reindeer?
Yes friends, it was that imperious Miss –
the Spirit of Christmas – aka Santa Kris!

She slid off the pitched roof, as light as goose down,
Landed boots first and faced the brats with a frown,
She pointed at each, and called them by name:
“Ash, Beck, Bijou, Blue…and CJ – for shame!

“Fizzy, Hupo, Jazz, Joss and Kati,
I can’t believe you all are so naughty!
Katherine, Mil, Peach and Bystander too…”
“Oh-oh,” Tigger whispered, “we’re in deep sh—, I mean, stew!”

“Sandy, Thanatos, and Tigger as well,
It’s time to come clean, because you know I can tell
What mischief you meant to create here tonight,
As well as pranks of years past…Now isn’t that right?”

This last question she aimed at me with a wink,
As I stood in the doorway, too astounded to blink,
But quick to my senses I stepped out of the shadow,
And handed to Kris my firm leather paddle.

The brats would have scattered if they could, I am sure,
But their feet were stuck fast, they could naught but endure
As Kris bared each brat, and took her over her knee,
While they watched in horror, and I watched in glee.

Her arm was a blur, the paddle swung down then it rose
Till each wriggling bottom looked like Rudolph’s red nose!
When the brats were all sniffling, she saw to the lurking
And any I’ve missed (please forgive, I’ve been working!)

She gave each a cuddle, and gave me one too,
And with one giant leap, to the rooftop she flew.
With a slap of the reins (let’s enjoy that hot thought)
Before launching the sleigh, from that very spot,

We all heard her shout, “Yes, for now the slate’s clean,
But beware all you brats…of 2015!”

The End

*Yes, I know “packing” has another meaning – get your mind out of the gutter! 😀

21 Responses to The Night Before Xmas (with apologies to Tigger, for doing a top’s rendition of her idea)

  1. Ash says:

    Bravo! I LOVE it! ❤
    Alyx, that was wonderful! And it was a poem/story! 😀

    My mind wasn't in the gutter. I was thinking of guns. 😛

  2. Hupotasso says:

    Well, this MUST be a work of fiction only because all of the brats identified by name in this poem whom I know are too smart to sneak off to pillage the Village on the night BEFORE Chtistmas. We’d all wait until the night AFTER Christmas to avoid incurring the wrath of Kris Kringle, and risk losing out getting presents! ;):)

    I also love this! Thank you, Alyx, and Merry Christmas. (And thank the Goddess that the slate is wiped clean. ;))

    • Alyx says:

      Thanks, Hupo. And of course, I don’t know any brats that naughty. 😉 Happy Hanukkah, and I have full faith in your ability to accrue new violations for the New Year! 😀

  3. Micah says:

    Merry Christmas Alyx! What a wonderful Christmas gift. I think you got Tigger and the others down pat. I also like the reference to TMT being a little grouchy when disturbed. I believe the New Year may hold an abundance of spankings for you. (Lucky woman) 🙂

    • Alyx says:

      Thank you, Micah. “Tigger and the others”? But not you, huh? *vbg* (TMT has a very sweet nature, as I said in the poem. But yes, she has this thing about being woken up when sleeping! 😀 )

  4. thanatos150 says:

    Lovely Alyx! 😀 And it was a story, just in the form of a poem. *grins* I loved the reappearance of Kris. 🙂

    And your mind must be in the gutter because it hadn’t even occurred to me that it could’ve been interpreted differently until I read your footnote. 😉

    • Alyx says:

      Hah! Yeah, like I’m the only one who knows what “packing” means! 😛

      Glad you liked it, though, because I have a lot of fun writing about Kris. *bg* Thanks, Thana! 🙂

  5. Peach says:

    Alyx, I really enjoyed this kinklet poem! It’s super vivid like I can see all the happenings (eg: … Till each wriggling bottom looked like Rudolph’s red nose!) 🙂 I have a feeling you rather enjoyed writing this! LOL Santa Kris is one of my faves in your stories. Thanks for this gift and happy new year.

    • Alyx says:

      Thank you, Peach. You’re absolutely right that I enjoyed the thought of watching all the brats in the village get their comeuppance! 😀 Which is why Kris is one of my favorite characters too! *LOL*

  6. Mil says:

    Awesome, Alyx! Pretty clever how you can make all your toppiness and spankiness rhyme like that! I particularly love the rhyming bracket stuff, and reference to RL like “(please forgive, I’ve been working!)” 😀

    Thanks, mate.. and thanks for holding the holiday tradition and the work that goes with that.

    • Alyx says:

      Thank you, Mil-matey! The meter fits better if you hear me say it, rather than just reading it… *she said as a disclaimer*! 😀 But I’m glad you enjoyed it. I got off easy this year, but hopefully Santa will understand. 😉

  7. kati000 says:

    Wonderful, Alyx. Loved it !
    … “getting ready to pillage”. *laughing*. I love rhymes and yours were so well crafted. It’s a joy to read your poem aloud. Thank you for that wonderful gift 🙂 !
    PS: What a good thing that we are all so well behaved in real life that clearly your poem was entirely fictitious. 😀

    • Alyx says:

      Thanks, Kati, I’m happy you enjoyed it! 🙂 And yes, of course, *cough* the naughtiness of the village brats is entirely fictitious. *snort* (Hmm….wonder what a certain top would think about you stretching the truth, eh? 😉 )

  8. bijou56 says:

    That was fantastic! It had me laughing the whole way through! 🙂 Especially “(let’s enjoy that hot thought)”. I read it to Snu and you’re rhymes are awesome! Cheers! 🙂

  9. Beck says:

    Clever poem Alyx, I loved it! I’m in awe of your writing ability 🙂

    Sorry for the late reply, life got a bit hectic so I’m just reading the Christmas submissions now!

  10. sandy1984 says:

    HaHa…billiantly creative and clever!! BUT…only a truly certified BRAT could’ve written something so brilliantly creative and clever…is there something you maybe want to tell us, Alyx??

    A good way to wake a sleeping person up, is to pour a teaspoonful of water in their ear. Tried it on my dad when I was a kid…it definitely works!

    • Alyx says:

      I beg your pardon! I think only a true TOP could’ve written such a poem! 😀 But I’m glad you enjoyed it, Sandy, and thanks for your comment. As for that water in the ear trick, yikes! 😯 I hope your dad gave you what for when he woke up!

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