The Night Before Xmas (with apologies to Tigger, for doing a top’s rendition of her idea)

By Alyx

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the village Brats were planning and plotting, getting ready to pillage. Shaving cream and silly string, hid out of sight, Super Glue and alcohol, all locked up tight. The tops were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of red bottoms danced in their heads. With me in my PJs, and TMT in hers too, Aspen, Beck, Mia, and Micah wore…well, who really knew? When outside my window there came a soft sound, I crept from my bed to have a good look around. (I did not wake TMT, not with look, deed nor word, For despite her sweet nature, she’s a grouch when disturbed.) The moon was full-shining on the village green grass, And lit all the objects that were trying to pass. When what to my wondering eyes did appear, But brats sneaking by, bent double with gear! A long line of rascals, tippy-toeing like mice, (Except that most rodents would likely think twice.) All dressed up in black, with an occasional hood, These miscreants, I could tell, were up to no good. I got out my flashlight (that’s “torch” to you Brits) And got ready to shout, and scare them to bits. My plan? To light up each disobedient face, Explain to each brat why she was in disgrace, Then roll up my sleeves and get busy whacking, With the paddle in my pocket (a top’s always packing*) But as I took breath, preparing to yell, A racket on the roof! My thought: What the hell?? The line of brats froze, they looked up with great fear, For who should it be, with her eight tiny reindeer? Yes friends, it was that imperious Miss – the Spirit of Christmas – aka Santa Kris! She slid off the pitched roof, as light as goose down, Landed boots first and faced the brats with a frown, She pointed at each, and called them by name: “Ash, Beck, Bijou, Blue…and CJ – for shame! “Fizzy, Hupo, Jazz, Joss and Kati, I can’t believe you all are so naughty! Katherine, Mil, Peach and Bystander too…” “Oh-oh,” Tigger whispered, “we’re in deep sh—, I mean, stew!” “Sandy, Thanatos, and Tigger as well, It’s time to come clean, because you know I can tell What mischief you meant to create here tonight, As well as pranks of years past…Now isn’t that right?” This last question she aimed at me with a wink, As I stood in the doorway, too astounded to blink, But quick to my senses I stepped out of the shadow, And handed to Kris my firm leather paddle. The brats would have scattered if they could, I am sure, But their feet were stuck fast, they could naught but endure As Kris bared each brat, and took her over her knee, While they watched in horror, and I watched in glee. Her arm was a blur, the paddle swung down then it rose Till each wriggling bottom looked like Rudolph’s red nose! When the brats were all sniffling, she saw to the lurking And any I’ve missed (please forgive, I’ve been working!) She gave each a cuddle, and gave me one too, And with one giant leap, to the rooftop she flew. With a slap of the reins (let’s enjoy that hot thought) Before launching the sleigh, from that very spot, We all heard her shout, “Yes, for now the slate’s clean, But beware all you brats…of 2015!” The End

*Yes, I know “packing” has another meaning – get your mind out of the gutter! 😀