Mil’s Half-arsed Christmas Story

by Mil

“Baby, it’s been years since you contributed a story for Xmas!” pleads Alyx.

“I know honey.. I’m trying! Really! You can’t force inspiration y’know! I don’t want to write something half-arsed.”

“Let’s try and force inspiration, shall we? Come here.”

Mil indulges her girlfriend knowing full well it’s a ploy to further delay writing her own story.

“This is what half-arsed feels like!”  *Thwack, Thwack* on Mil’s right cheek only.

“Okay okay Owww! I’ve got it! What about…. there’s this girl called Annabelle, right, and she has these awesome adventures..”

*Thwack*!! Nope! You’ve read that somewhere, me thinks. Ashtales maybe? *Thwack*! “Try again!”

“Okay kay owee. Damn! Are you sure? Hmmm….What about a story set at a public pool and there’s two of us, and we get caught smoking. And maybe a bath brush is in there somewhere?”

“I’ll give you a bath brush!” *thwack* “That sounds a lot like Peach’s story!” reminds Alyx with another whirl of whacks. “Try me again, and we’ll concentrate on the other half-arse”.

“There’s this brat who rides a motorcycle, right? And she gets into an accident…”

Alyx lays into the left cheek “Grrrr! Girl, you’re channeling Claire now!” Alyx is getting exasperated.

“Dang it! Are you sure? Man, it’s like everything has already been written! How am I supposed to come up with anything original?” says Mil, and concentrating real hard now…

… still thinking, and Alyx lets her….

“Take your time. I’m in no hurry” says Alyx, hoping to continue to avoid her work.

“Hmmmm….. okay…. how about something like you helping me spell something? Y’know, like how us proper English speaking people spell things differently to you Americans? Like “my favourite jam doughnut?” Mil finally feels like she’s onto something when Alyx ponders longer than usual.

“It sounds really familiar, but I can’t place it!” Alyx looks distant for a bit. “Are you sure no one’s written about a similar kind of English lesson?”

“I think you’re right, but I can’t think straight in this position” says Mil hoping to be let up.

“Not till I finish this half-arse!” And Alyx finishes with a final flurry.


The End and Happy Holidays!

16 Responses to Mil’s Half-arsed Christmas Story

  1. Woodsy says:

    Y’know, it sounds like this really was a delaying tactic.
    (Bad Alyx!)
    But on the plus side, you’ll have a lovely tan for Christmas. 🙄

  2. dmm dmm says:

    Lol, that was great and totally hilarious. 🙂 Just what we need for some laughs at Christmas. Makes me want to write my own half-arsed story. Maybe we should start a collection of half-arsed stories just for laughs, but with a limit of 500 words or less. That could be fun.

    • Mil says:

      Merry dmmmas! 😉 I glad it made you laugh. It made me laugh so hard when Alyx couldn’t remember her own story. It happens a bit actually! 😀

    • Alyx says:

      Hey! I resemble that remark! 😝 Yeah, it’s amazing how much of my own work I can’t recall!

      (Writing some really short stories is not a bad idea. We had a 79-word story challenge once on the STV fanfic board I was on [in honor of the character Seven of Nine], and it was lots of fun.)

  3. Peachie says:

    This is brilliant Mil! LOL Was it true Alyx didn’t remember the English Lesson?! It’s one of my favorite stories of hers. Although to be fair, it took my brain a few seconds to realize you were talking about Cat (smoking) and Stella! Hahahha. Happy holidays to you and your … um…tanned you-know-where. 😉

    • Alyx says:

      It immediately seemed familiar, but I couldn’t quite place what story I had used the scene in! If Mil is honest she will admit she couldn’t quite place what story it was in either, even though she knew I’d written it. But since you couldn’t quite place your reference either, you have no grounds to make fun, Peach! 😝 *LOL*

    • Mil says:

      Thanks Peachie! It’s certainly true Alyx couldn’t remember her own work. And that happens fairly often too! LOL. I guess that’s more a sign of a (once) prolific writer rather than a forgetful one.
      I never could forget Cat and Stella smoking at the pool…. because I think I used to do that often! Happy New Year, Peachie.

  4. Ash says:

    Thanks, Mil! Well, that was certainly a story and free advertisement at the same time! 😀 I laughed at the half-assed spanking. 🤣

    The English Lesson is one of my favourite of Alyx’s. That and the one where the brat breaks the top’s fountain pen.😈 Of course, I don’t think any of us would ever dare touching Alyx’s fountain pens! She is a bit fanatic when it comes to pens. 😛

  5. Alyx says:

    You know, I just realized I never commented on this wonderful present! Shame on me! 😖 Darling, you already know this story made me LOL. 🤣 But what I really love about it was how you so cleverly worked in RL stuff. All the references to other authors’ works, and then the conversation we had about my own story! *facepalm* So funny! 😝

    You know, I’ve always been amazed (and a little envious) about how you can be so creative in more than one genre — you are such a talented artist and your Xmas stories blow me away. I wish I could do that! But mostly I just feel lucky to be your gf. ❤️ 💐 Thank you for participating the holiday exchange, and for this lovely Xmas story! 🥰

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