Brats Survival Guide

By Claire and Tigger

Tigger and I were talking this past weekend and we were sharing with each other some of the interesting (and maybe not so smart) things we have done that have caused our partners IPS to flare, so we thought it would be fun to share some of them with you. It’s kind of a ‘Brats Survival Guide’ so please learn from our mistakes!

  1. When you have just driven through a lake of water after a bad rain storm thinking it wasn’t that deep because you saw another car coming from that direction who obviously drove through it too, it is not wise to take a picture of the water you practically stalled your car in and show it to your top. This could very well end up in a most uncomfortable discussion getting a rubber paddle applied to your bare bottom while she asked if it ever occurred to you that the other car could have come across the water and turned around?
  1. Speaking of rubber paddles. Always ask your fellow brats about implements. When your top asked you to replace an implement, do not assume that because something is made of a softer flexible material like rubber, that it wouldn’t be as bad as a wooden paddle. You would be sorely mistaken.
  1. Also, be careful what you post on the blogs. When you are having a discussion about what ‘Blue Lightning’ is, it is not wise to post the link to it on Caniac so your fellow brats can see what it looks like. This can lead to your top seeing it and clicking the link to purchase one and thanking you for making it so easy for her!
  1. Oh dear, those holiday parties! When she tells you three drinks and talk to her if you want another one. Not good to ignore her and blow that rule off. It’s easy to count to three but not easy to count aloud the 100 swats she’ll give you with the wooden paddle. At that point, your headache will be the least of your worries.
  1. Now pay attention, this is a must not do! Tigger and I both found this out the hard way. If you know you will be having your weekly meeting/discussion, do not, I repeat, do not go in the hot tub beforehand! You will find out the heat works against you and it will be hot but not in a good way!
  1. The phrase, ‘you swing like a girl’……Just no!  Also, not a good idea, ‘Is that all you’ve got?’  or ‘Didn’t hurt anyway!’ And don’t be a smartass and tell her your safe word is ‘Harder!’
  1. Tops take medication very seriously, “I forgot” will not work and multiple infractions of this type will lead to your top showing her creative side. She can spank you in the corner, spank you over pillows, then spank you in the corner again and just when you think it’s all over there may well be a grand finale with Blue Lightning!
  1. When you drive fast, it really is just an amateur move to video yourself going at excessive speeds so you can show off to your fellow brats. Now you have photographic evidence of your mistake of going in excess of 90 in a 55-mph zone. Tops like numbers and they often say things like you’re getting ten swats for every MPH you were over the speed limit. Not good, is it? Then you may also hear things from certain other toppy people telling you, “I heard you’ve been speeding again. If you were mine, you would be getting several spankings because you wouldn’t be able to handle as many as you’d be getting in one spanking.” (Pretty sure this was said with a Southern accent.)
  1. That nice young highway patrol officer really does mean it when he tells you (after he’s stopped you twice before) the next time I pull you over for speeding, I’m writing you a ticket. Professional courtesy will only get you so far and traffic school is very boring.
  1. Your top will read your books and stories. The phrase be careful what you wish for is relevant here.
  1. Don’t get smug when you’re winning the black jack spanking game. This is her game and she’ll make up her own rules anyway.
  1. I know it’s hard, but try not to get distracted making shadow creatures on the wall with your hands while you’re in the corner.  Seeing how close you can get your toe to that dust mite also doesn’t go over really well. Especially when she’s watching you and you are supposed to thinking about what you could have done differently that week. This may end up with you back in the corner, with your now, very sore backside on display.
  1. Don’t recommend what type implements she should use for any particular spanking. This may be considered topping from the bottom and she may add the implements you suggested along with what she had in her head originally.
  1. Hiding implements…just not a good idea!  She knows your hiding places anyway.
  1. Tops talk to each other, just be aware of this!
  1. When you are venting to your fellow brats about the injustice of it all, be very careful not to accidently send this text to your top. This will earn you more injustices to vent about.
  1. Tops are very precise creatures and are usually sticklers for the rules. Remember it is a good practice to use the word Ma’am when answering questions, especially from the OTK position.  Failure to adhere to this could lead to a syllable spanking that may go something like this “Young La..dy…have…you … for…got…ten.. how… to add…ress…me…when…you…are…in…this..po..sit…ion?” Yes, ladies, this equates to 21 whacks with the hairbrush because you forget to use the word Ma’am! Another rookie mistake that’s easily avoidable.
  1. When you are already late for work do not tell your top, you’re stopping for a donut. This will not impress her, severe IPS will occur, and your donut and coffee privileges will be revoked!
  1. Cheese and pickled onions will mask the smell of cigarette smoke quite well if your trying to sneak a ciggy without her knowing. The spanking you get when she catches you however, is a better deterrent than Nicorette gum.
  1. When the tops away, the brat can play? Nope, not a chance. Don’t even think about it. She will be back!
  1. When she tells you no, take no for an answer. Do not persist, especially if you are asking for another cocktail and do not beg her in front of your friends. This will also lead to a particularly long and painful trip over her knee.
  1. People who have authoritarian titles such as The Mayor or Top Boss, have them for a reason, don’t test them!
  1. Bad habits are hard to break sometimes. Don’t call your top without the necessary hands-free technology while in your car. She will know you don’t have this technology and she will know if you’re in the car! The words, “OMG I’m sorry, I totally forgot,” won’t work here either. (I especially want to thank Tigger for this one, it doesn’t make me look so bad!)
  1. Don’t tell your top, you’re bad about texting and driving, then, in the same sentence tell her you’ve gotten better because you don’t make half the spelling mistakes you used to.
  1. At a loss for what you want for Christmas? May I suggest a fabulous sit/standdesk workstation like the one shown here. Look how happy she is, even when she’s sporting a stinging backside! Yes, ladies, if you find yourself in a position that requires the need to stand while working on a computer, then this is the way to go and since we’ve all been so good this year, I’m sure you’ll have no problem getting what you want from Santa! (Well, apart from maybe Tigger, I mean her letter started off, Dear Santa, I can explain...)

Tigger and I, really hope these tips may come in useful to you. And if you have any tips of your own you would like to share, please comment so your fellow brats may glean some knowledge from you experiences! (I guess the tops can chime in here too!)

For now, Happy Holidays, and may the season bring you warm hearts and bottoms!

Tigger and Claire

25 Responses to Brats Survival Guide

  1. Ash says:

    Some really good tips here, ladies. Thanks.😉Though I, of course, wouldn’t do any of those things…😇

  2. stardawn19 says:

    Very funny list … even more so that I know these items come from real world expirences! Great idea!

  3. LoganTyler says:

    Claire and Tigger this was fablous! I laughed so much, but at the same time I am itching to swat someone. Knowing some of the stories behind these make it that much better. 😂

  4. laineytales says:

    Fab. 🙃 And I guess there are a few more that did not make the list…

  5. Wookie says:

    Some of these are awesome, some are ‘what the heck were you thinking of?’ 😂..😱
    However my favourite part is when you took photos, videos etc. Obviously you’d want a keepsake of such a terrific event- but why, oh why show it to your Top? What’s wrong with keeping a brat album just for your sister brats… purely a self preservation suggestion Claire ..🤦🏻‍♀️😈😂

    • Claire says:

      But Wookie I was going for the victim angle. I mean I had to try and explain why my car was covered in mud including in the engine and how my license plate got all bent up from the sheer force of the water. So I had to take a picture of the big bad lake that did it to me!

      • Wookie says:

        Hmm I can see your reasoning here… that would make perfect sense if pleading the victim angle. So you simply fell foul of your totally logical explanation not being accepted as Tops are wont to do. In which case you have my full support! 😇
        One question …. you did take the photo AFTER you had driven through it, yes?….😂

  6. Alyx says:

    This was hilarious, and my favorite had to be the “safeword” of “Harder”! Brats are crazy sometimes. *shaking head* The “syllable spanking” advice also cracked me up. It’s nice of you to share your advice with all of the brats, Tigger and Claire. And it was a fun guessing game pinpointing which of you was responsible for which piece of mischief. 😀 (Claire, you’re lucky you’re not riding the bus with a sore butt!) *LOL* Thanks for the treat, ladies — it was definitely festive!

  7. tigger0011 says:

    Yeah, that Claire! She sure is trouble! Lucky she has a good friend like me to keep her on the straight and narrow, huh, Alyx?!

  8. Claire says:

    Buses no, although I think Micah suggested that I should be driving a beat up fort escort that could barely limp to and from work and be incapable of any excessive speeds! But in my defense, (again) I was taught to drive fast as part of my job at one point, so that should count for something? And besides, where would Riley get her inspiration from if it wasn’t me?🤷

  9. Mil says:

    Hahaha! Great list! Far too many moments of “this sounds familiar” for my liking. I think you must be right! Those tops talk more than we know! Cheese and pickled onions, eh? I’ll have to remember that one 😉

    Thank you! 😀

    • Claire says:

      Yep Mil, even though that one was quite a few years ago for me, cheese and pickled onions work great. Brushing your teeth is just a dead giveaway!😎

  10. Robin says:

    Hilarious and very useful! Thank you Claire and Tigger! I started reading your first paragraph and thought: D-mn! I wish i had this list a bit earlier before i started showing wife photo album from field work in tropics. What you would think is a pic of a normal fun day outdoors can be interpreted so differently… I heard words like “crazy” , “death wish” and “vansinnigt!!! Go figure…🙄 But in you two’s case, most of these incidents i believe can be seen as important preparation for your work writing books as you said Claire!
    Hope you both had a great Christmas and I wish you a Happy new year!

  11. Beck says:

    That’s quite the list Claire and Tigger! I really enjoyed reading this, although it made me realize I’m truly a switch as I read the list with an incredulous look on my face, but then got to a couple items and could all of a sudden relate a bit more than I’d like to admit. 😉 I’m sure there’s a few brats out there that really appreciate this survival guide! This was a great idea for the Christmas exchange, thanks for thinking of this and posting!

  12. Ellie says:

    This was awesome and so very educational, Tigger and Claire! As I mentioned before, I’m always honored to be able to learn from the best!

    24 made me almost roll off my bed in laughter. Great job Tigger! 😉

    And 16! Whoever it was, that must hold a good story!

    10 is just so Claire instead! Not to mention the tickets, the alcool and the flooded road!

    When are you two taking me on a good adventure? 😁 I want to attend your brat-bootcamp!

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