A Brat’s Night Before Christmas

by Tigger

With apologies to Clement C. Moore

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the flat

Not a human was stirring, not even a brat;

The presents were set by the tree with such care,

In hopes that morning soon would be there;

The Tops were nestled all snug in their beds,

While dreams of new implements danced in their heads;

And the cat in her basket, and I in my cap,

Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap,

When out on the driveway there arose such a noise,

I sprang from my bed to check on our toys!

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

Tore open the curtains and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of my now sleeping Top

Tore my mind away from all objects from a shop,

And then, what to my wandering eyes should appear,

But a miniature sleigh coming so near!

With a little cute driver, so lively and quick,

I hoped for a moment it might be St Nick.

More rapid than eagles she came to the door,

And called out my name with a deafening roar!

As I before my miffed Top will fly,

When she meets me with an implement, and looks in my eye;

So down to the front door the little brat flew,

Before she rang the bell and woke my Top too!

And then, in an instant, as I answered the door,

Santa Top stood before me and said, “Your behavior I abhor!”

As I drew her inside, and was turning around,

Down the hairbrush came on my backside with an alarming sound!

She was dressed all in black, from her head to her foot,

and the leather trim gleamed so that I felt hard put.

A bundle of implements she had flung on her back,

And she wasted no time, just opened her pack.

Her eyes they twinkled, but weren’t quite shining

As she simply said, “Now, let’s look at this list without whining.”

She called out each transgression, she saw through each plea,

And before she was half finished I was over her knee.

She scolded about texting and driving and speed

And spanked as she talked with the greatest of glee.

But it was when of broken bedtimes she paddled

I had broken so many she became quite addled!

“Why is it,” she wondered, “you must stay up so long,

When I know your loving Top has told you it’s wrong?”

She listened, then told me that I was quite right

9:00 is too early, even on a school night.

Then she spoke no more words, but went straight to her work,

Finished the spanking; then turned with a jerk,

And laying her hand on my throbbing backside

She gave me the LOOK and finally did chide;

“Stay away from your phone, let the other driver in,

Try to go to bed on time, it might save your skin!”

As she reached for the door, quiet now, not a roar,

I heard her exclaim as she drove out of sight,

‘Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night.’


16 Responses to A Brat’s Night Before Christmas

  1. Micah says:

    Wow….where do I begin?
    Well, first let me say it’s amazing that you did this so darn quickly!. I thought sure I would get to spank you for missing our deadline as you hadn’t even started yet. Then in no time, I’m reading it and it’s great!
    Secondly, there is an old saying that goes something like this…..When a brat is a smarta**, it means her a** will soon be smarting. Let’s discuss the bedtime section of your lovely poem tonight. (winking at you)
    Seriously hon. Good job!

  2. Ash says:

    Amazing! Funny and a tiny bit cheeky, I like that! 😀

  3. bahamagirl1996 says:

    Boy tigger, you hit dat one out the park man! Dude, that was sweet ! Hey Micah, seeing dat she write such a stellar piece, how bout u give her a extra special treat 😉 Yea and dat don’t mean swats naw 🙂

    • Micah says:

      I will be happy to give her a special treat. But there will ALWAYS be swats coming Tigger’s way. And it will be my great pleasure to give them to her.

  4. JB says:

    Double wow! It was great and really well written. Thank you for sharing 🙂

  5. bystander says:

    Oh my, thankyou Tigger for such a great piece, it has put a huge smile on my face. Giggling is inevitable reading this 🙂

  6. tigger0011 says:

    Thanks, everyone, for your kind words! And I’m glad it made you smile, By! See, Micah, everyone thinks I’m totally right about bedtimes…

  7. Alyx says:

    Tigger, that was very funny and so totally in keeping with your irrepressible brat spirit! *cuddle* Needless to say I totally agree with SantaTop’s advice, and the way you slipped in the comment about your 9pm bedtime cracked me up. Nice try, but your top has your best interest at heart (and your number too, I’m quite sure)! Thank you for the gift of this poem. 🙂

  8. Peach says:

    Thank you for sharing your talent tigger! It was fun to read. 🙂

  9. Fizzy says:

    Hahahaha LOVE THIS. Best brat lines: “When out on the driveway there arose such a noise,/I sprang from my bed to check on our toys!” 😆

    And I agree, 9 pm is WAY too early for bedtime! Even when I’m in trouble I only get sent to bed at 9:30! 😉 thanks Tigger!

    • Micah says:

      My favorite line is: She called out each transgression, she saw through each plea/And before she was half finished I was over her knee.
      The visual image that comes to mind is lovely.
      As far as bedtime goes…seeing Tigger with dark circles under her eyes night after night and being so tired makes me want to send her to bed at 7 pm . So you see, I’m being very generous in letting her stay up so late. I guess I’m just a pushover when it comes to Tigger.

      • tigger0011 says:

        Okay…I have to respond to the comments about my early bedtime. In defense of my Micah, I have been sick and I do need A LOT of sleep! Also, when I go to bed too late, I can’t get up in the morning and then I can’t get to work on time!
        Having said that, I wouldn’t be a brat if I didn’t whine and complain about it, now would I?

  10. Mil says:

    Hilarious and so clever, Tigger. Thanks so much for the laugh!

  11. thanatos150 says:

    Wow, 9 o’clock? WHat time do you get up then? :O
    Anyways, great job! I really loved this 😀 It made me smile and giggle all the time 🙂

  12. Mia says:

    Now, I realize I am late by a mere six months but I gotta say: Incredibly cute, Tigger 🙂

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