I hesitated about posting on this subject, because I’m sure I won’t be saying anything new. Lots of people have discussed it before this…it’s been an implement of correction for hundreds of years. What’s more, I have very little direct experience on the subject, so please don’t take what I say in the spirit of being any kind of instruction, okay?
The reason I decided to write about my experience was in case there was anyone else wondering about it. Or even NOT wondering about it. *bg* See, for most of my kinky years I’d never really had any desire to try the cane. I would read about other people trying it, but not with any deep interest, and I never felt an unrequited longing for it. With so many other implements out there to enjoy, it wasn’t like there was anything missing, you know?
I think part of the reason for my lack of interest was because I grew up in America. Places like the United Kingdom or some countries in Asia have a long-standing tradition of using the cane, and so people from those areas grow up with a definite attachment to (or hate for, or fear of) the implement. But it was completely foreign to me, so it didn’t have the same “charge” associated with it. And seeing some of the photos out there of horribly bruised bottoms or tramlines that split the skin (I try to avoid them, but you know how they pop up on some kinky sites) made me pretty certain that I didn’t want to play at that level of
intensity. Of course I’d heard that it was possible to wield it less harshly, but it was never really necessary for me to confirm that personally.
But see…I fell in love with an Englishwoman. *g* One who played with such things in her early years, and so knew the pleasure that could be found with it. As well as how “serious” it could be used too. I trust TMT completely, so when she suggested she bring one over on her next visit, I was totally open to trying it. She reassured me that I could change my mind at any time, but like I said, I trust her completely. Of course it didn’t help that she teased me weeks before coming with questions like, “What is a velvet pillow good for?” (I guessed the obvious, to sit a sore bottom on, but no, it turns out it’s good for practicing one’s strokes on! Yikes.)
As it happened, she arrived with two canes. They were of different lengths, so of different flexibilities, but the ultimate limiting factor was being able to fit them into her suitcase. I’m sure one longer than what I experienced (about 28 inches) would be even whippier….I’m not sure I want to know what that feels like, however. *LOL*
The cane calls for a certain formality, and that’s the way it was introduced to me. I won’t go into the details of what I was punished for…suffice it say that even though I don’t live out a domestic discipline relationship, there are times when my “Sometimes Top” makes me very aware of my mistakes. *g*
I was bent over the end of a bed, as stretched out as my muscles would allow. I was definitely nervous — I had no idea what to expect. Even though I had confidence in TMT’s abilities and her basically gentle nature, I wasn’t so sure about my own tolerance. I had no idea how I’d react!
One thing about being bared in that position — for a cane — it certainly makes you feel vulnerable. Which was probably the intention, of course. Then I felt it, tapping on my cheek. It is one resilient piece of wood, let me tell you. (Okay, okay, rattan is technically a grass. But it damn well FEELS like a stick and not a blade of Bermuda, you know?) She’d given me a warm-up (a damn thorough spanking in itself), so my senses were already heightened. And then she gave me a few “lesser” strokes, and checked with me to see how I was doing. Lorrrd, even the light taps gave me an indication of how powerful an instrument it was.
The first real stroke (and I’m not ashamed to admit it was nowhere near a full swing) was a revelation. There is an impact when it lands, a depression of your flesh, which is pretty much what you’d expect if a thin rod landed swiftly against your cheeks. It does hurt. But precisely 2 seconds later, BELOW the skin level, there follows an amazing deep burn. I’ve never felt anything like it. I gasped, and was able to appreciate in the pause that followed that this is a very special implement.
Then, behind me, TMT whipped it up and down at full speed. There was a liquid whooshing sound as it displaced air in a blur, and every muscle (and orifice!) in my body tightened. The logical part of me knew perfectly well she would never hit me at that velocity. But my limbic brain — the animal part related to fear and mating — was ready for fright and flight! There were more strokes, ones that left behind the oft-described double-edge weal, and for a couple of days after I had reminders deep down whenever I sat.
But each stroke, the whole experience, was a unique combination of apprehension, burning, relief, and arousal. My body took me on a rollercoaster of sensation, and a slight rush at the end to find I survived it. *bg* I played relatively lightly, but it was just right for me. And yes, I’d love to do it again. Furthermore, I found myself wanting to try it out from the other side. TMT generously allowed me to practice on her…and then she gifted me with the canes when she left. (Thank you, Darling. *kiss* It was a touching surprise.)
They are tricky to use, and I definitely need more practice. But I’ll find myself a velvet pillow….and Fizzy better be on her best behavior! *eg*
Edited to add: One example of how the cane can be used “intimately” was a moment after TMT had lined up 4 perfectly placed tramlines on my rear end. They weren’t done one after another, but spread out (in time, not in geography *bg*), so that my whole body was ablaze with sensation by the time she was done. And then she lay the cane diagonally, crossing the lot of them, and said softly, “This is how one would do the five-bar gate, darling.”
And I knew, without her having to say it, that she wasn’t going to land that last stroke. She was just illustrating, by relying on my imagination, what it would feel like if a final stroke crossed the other already-throbbing weals in my skin. I shivered — both at the thought of the fiery pain, and the gentleness in her voice. She knew both the suggestion and restraint would be arousing….there was no need to carry out the threat. It was, in spite of the formality of position and the implement, quite an intimate moment.
It also made me wonder if I might one day want to see what the five-bar gate would feel like. At the moment no, it was enough to fuel the fantasy. But maybe some time in the future? Ah well….that’s a post for another day. 🙂
Thank you for posting, Alyx! 😀 I am very much like you that way. I have never really had an interest for the cane. For me I only ever heard of the cane as a gruesome punishment that schools used when my grandmother was a child. And then when I got older, I saw pictures and videos of caning, and looked away. I never wanted that experience myself, nor did I want to watch.
Only recently have I been curious. But only a little curious… not extremely curious. I don’t think it is an implement that I would want anyone to use on me often, but if I am lucky enough to find someone I trust like you trust TMT, I would want to try it one day. So thanks for sharing your experience. It was interesting. *hugs*
*Gives Fizzy a hug too*. 😉
I don’t think it’s something I’d want to play with everyday either, Ash. It’s sort of formal, like you want to reserve it for special occasions. *g* But yes, I always avoid those gruesome pictures whenever I can. TMT used it in a loving fashion — I’d never want to experience it any other way.
I remember your comments when I first posted about getting a “real” caning. I don’t get that same fear from any other implement, except maybe a fraternity paddle. With the paddle, though, I’m more worried about doing real damage than I am with the cane. At least not on a per stroke basis. I love tram lines, but I was definitely uncomfortable on my way home from Shadow Lane last year, with day-old welts aching and older ones itching!
They’re fun to wield, too. 😉 My biggest fear on either end is the missed stroke. I can’t take cane strokes on my thighs– I feel damage for weeks afterwards. So I have my partner bare my bottom, but leave the clothing over the top of the thighs. I do the same to him when I’m caning him. I just don’t think pillows are close enough to the real thing to be all that helpful, though I know a lot of tops swear by them.
I look forward to seeing your post about caning Fizzy!
I agree with you totally about the fear and damage, Indy. I actually got worse bruises from a hairbrush! “Worse” in the sense of being really uncomfortable to sit on, whereas the cane marks, though definite reminders, were not as unpleasant. (Of course the level I played with had something to do with that too.)
I had a couple of cane strokes on my thighs, very very lightly so they were bearable. I can appreciate your avoidance of that…not fun to damage that area. I don’t think pillows can give you any sense of how HARD to hit….I would practice on my own hand, own bottom, or a willing partner to learn that. But I’m thinking pillows would be useful for practicing the aiming part. Because like you say, missing the mark is a big concern. (I had fun wielding it too. *bg*)
Yep I have been to those blogs by pure chance and have seen things I wish I hadn’t. A cane is a scary instrument for sure. I vaguely remember a story about a U.S. boy visiting hmmmm China maybe, and he broke a law there. His punishment was to be caned. It made big news here about how inhuman and hurtful it was. Talked about breaking the skin and such. I get that as a society we have become soft. We don’t like to punish children and accuse those who do as abusive. I guess that is where the mentality towards D/D and such comes from. I know that they used switches back in the day and it was a good motivator to prevent certain behaviors. Remember the stories your grandparents or great grandparents used to tell you about how they had to go and cut the switch themselves? Anyway, goofing around with some kids when I was young and accidentally getting hit with a switch has told me that I don’t like it. It hurt like heck! *L* I don’t know. I don’t think I will ever appreciate the cane. You know what I think it might be, besides being freakishly scary, an intimacy thing. I mean when you spank someone you are very much involved in the act where if you are caning someone there is distance between you both.
Heck this is just a ramble from someone who wants to keep their derriere virginous. *L* I am glad that you were able to receive a new experience and found it quite enjoyable. All I can say now is…Poor Fizzy. *L*
P.S. Also thanks for giving us a description of how it felt. I found that enlightening.
I recall that incident too, Kayla (it was Singapore). And I find the practice at that level barbaric.
The scary part of playing with it is part of the thrill (as long as you trust your partner, that is). But you know, I kinda felt like you about it being less intimate, until my lover used it on me. The embraces before, the stern yet gentle disrobing, the reassuring touches all through….they were actually very intimate. There’s something about being stretched out and apprehensive, and then feeling a reassuring palm pressed warmly against your back, that let’s you know you’re very much “together” in the experience.
What is a fancy way of saying this made me horny? Oh, yes, reading this post was definately arousing. I’m really glad you got to have fun.
I do fantasize with getting caned. I didn’t grow up with it (which I’m thankful for) but it did appear even in my early fantasies. So this post satisfied a little my curiosity.
The next thing will be to get a british woman myself… *g*
Seriously, really glad you enjoyed it. And I don’t know, Fizzy might want to misbehave. Or am I just too kinky? Paraphrasing our Loki: spoken like a true brat who is yet… to be caned!
A fancy way to say “horny”? Concupiscent, libidinous, lascivious? Randy? Okay, okay so I looked it up.. but I had fun looking it up *smile*
*LOL* I’m glad you enjoyed it, Disneydyke! And yes, I do want to play with it some more, from both ends. It’s a fascinating sensation. But I’m hoping you’re wrong about Fizzy — she manages to misbehave quite enough without WANTING to!
(I’m thinking it wouldn’t be so hard for you to find a British woman….I hear lots of them vacation in your beautiful country! 😉 )
Well, I’m glad my hornyness didn’t put you off. I could have praised your prose as well but thought others would do better than me. Well, I could have done that taking a cold shower first. 😉
About that british lady that will swap me off my feet. I’m a northener, we don’t have much sun to offer to “guiris” (he) but my city is a bit of an exception and receives lots of tourists, amongst them lots of americans actually and yeah, brits as well. I honestly don’t know how some of them still manage to get sunburnt though. By the way, this is important: use sunscreen, people. Or else you will get a red bottom to match the rest of your body! How’s that for toppyness?
I don’t want to encourage Fizzy to misbehave of course. If she wants to be caned she can always ask nicely. But she doesn’t really seemed all that interested.
I might not be that interested after the first stroke, come to think about it. LOL.
Great post, Alyx. Thanks for sharing.
It took a while for them to ban the cane in Australia, so it was still around when I was in my first years of primary school. I remember if you were sent to the principles office it was either for the cane if you were bad, or a spin in his chair if you were good *laughs at the memory* (spinning chairs were a novelty).
Today even the word “cane” makes me shiver.. and I do seem to have a strange fondness for office furniture *scratches head*
When I was in middle school we were still scared of going to the principals office because he had a paddle. I heard that he used it a few times on my male classmates. Lord knows I was sent to his office a few times but no paddle. I saw it though. Scary part is that middle school was not that long ago. I was very shocked to say the least and wondered what crazy place my parents had moved us too. *L* Now in my adult years seeing first hand the misbehavior of our youth (I’m a teacher) I REALLY wish I could swat a few of them. *L* Where did all the fear go? I think I’m more afraid to be called into the pricipals office today then the students.
I’m with ya, Kayla (I’m not a teacher but I know a few), and I can’t imagine going through school without fear of “the office”.
While the practice of getting a paddling at school was widely banned by the time I started school, I do understand your feeling on wanting to swat a few students. I remember sitting in a class of 30 and having many days ruined by the behavior of just two or three of the same problem students.
This also brings back memories of a teacher I had in the 7th grade who, while she was not allowed to use it, would frequently carry around a ruler and comment on how being able to use it would be an improvement. I must admit, I had some level of fascination when I would think about her using that ruler.
I think things have changed a lot in just the last few years, let alone when I was a kid. I think you’re right Kayla that the level of respect for authority is less. (In general, I mean. I know there are exceptions and really good kids out there.) I can understand the desire to hand out a few swats, but unfortunately I doubt that it would improve things any. The respect should be taught early in a child’s life, both by fair discipline and by example (showing them the proper respect).
On a less serious note, like Quietqirl, I totally understand being fascinated by a teacher carrying a ruler! *LOL*
Hmmmm so you’re saying I need to skip the kids and go straight for the parents. *L* Yep last year it was the kinder, gentler “Kayla” which did have its good points but this year will be different. Less smiling, more single eye brow raising and heck for fun maybe I’ll carry around a ruler. Start a whole new generation of kinksters. *L*
You are right though. If I did half the stuff kids did today I would never see the light of day nor have the ability to sit comfortably. I have seen the “new wave” of discipline first hand a few weeks ago when my gf’s friend came over with her 6 yr old nephew. That wild child was running over the couches and crawling over the half wall to the other set of couches all the while his Aunt was just sitting on the couch chit chatting. Inside I was having a panic attack cuz I could sense the vengeance my mom would have brought down on me if I did that. *L* The friend doesn’t believe in spanking. She just discuses the issues with him; a 6 year old. *LOL* It was one long 4 hour babysitting shift for me that I will not do again. Last time I babysat him he was 5 and I turned around for a min and he grabbed a hand full of candle wax and decided to do a little Karate Kid on our T.V. That boy cried for an hour because I put him in time out. *L* It was eye opening and terrifying to say the least. Terrifying because I have entered the realm of “when I was your age……” *shudders*
This made me smile, because it reminded me of how we used to run around everywhere and play like that. No spankings for us either. My parents were not strict at all. They laughed when I broke their hallway mirror playing ball inside about a year ago. It was kinda like “Oh Ash, you’re so silly.” The rule in my parents house is… “Never play ball inside when we are napping!” 😀
Her nephew will be fine. I might be a little bratty online, but in real life I am a really good girl, and no I was not trying to be funny. I meant it!
Okay now I have a question/survey. So Ash you weren’t spanked as a kid yet you would like to be as an adult. Forgive me if I’m totally wrong on that and I was just making it simple; I know things are more complex. I, on the other hand, had a ummm hmmm lets say “strict” upbringing and I have no desire really to be “punished”. Again being very general and all encompasing in the use of the word. So I guess the question/survey would be where you spanked as a child and are you interested in hmmmmm following through with it in some form as an adult OR is this a whole new world for you. Surveys are fun! *L*
🙂 No, I was not spanked as a kid. It’s not legal in my country, so I wasn’t a special case, but then again it is still possible to get a strict upbringing without.
I have always been very interested in spanking, even as a child. Though as a kid I did not desire one for real. I think it is a lot more scary for children and can be traumatic. It really depends on the person, because we are all different. As a grown up, I believe that spankings can be used for both sexytimes and punishment, it really depends on the situation and the person giving the spanking. However I think it is important to remember that as a grown up even if it is a punishment, it is always with consent. You can always say no and end the agreement, and if not there is something wrong. I think this makes a big difference. It makes it more appealing, because it is a choice we have made for ourselves. I’m pretty new to this thing, but I know that there is a big difference between fantasy and reality. I think reading of forced spankings can be hot, but in real life the person need my permission. I have given a person the permission to Top me, but that this non-sexual and for my improvement.
I’ve been wanting to say I’m against in spanking minors in response to Kayla for a coluple of days but I wasn’t sure it was great etiquette to Alyx. Instead of just saying why I feel one shouldn’t spank minors, I will go on a related rambling.
Children are vulnerable, a rambling:
Very well said, Ash. I was not spanked as a kid. Well, my father once slapped me, a mean teacher once swatted me when I was 5 and my mother once too when I was 4 or so. Those were really upsetting experiences. Although I’ll admit it might have been the yelling what really made me fearful. I was particularly fearful of that teacher and, really, I was really really scared of my mother (didn’t have much time to grow afraid of my father), so it’s good at least she didn’t spank. Then again when she did she yelled at me: I thought I would never have to spank you but I see I was wrong! Then there came a guilt trip about me laughing at her like the rest of the world.
She keeps bragging about how obedient I was as a kid. That I was. Big deal that I was. The important thing is to turn into a happy well-adjusted adult. Wheather you play ball inside or not… it does not affect our lives as much as being confident that we can be happy, that we can make ourselves happy and that we are strong and can take life punches. I’m trying to get better at this. I think not having been spanked as a child is amongst the things that helped.
Not having experienced much of reasonable authority and proper guidance might not be such a great thing though. But that’s not about being spanked, that’s about adults being happy and well-adjusted themselves and helping their kids grow up, gently and firmly. No need for violence.
I also witnessed a teacher trying to pull some boy’s pants down so she could smack him. It was really upsetting and it was particularly upsetting because I already fantasized with spanking. How could I fantasize with something that was making that boy cry so much?
I’ve come to terms with my kink because consent is key. Just that.
I know this is a controversial subject but kids are really vulnerable. Yes, even bratty kids or whatever. They are always the weak ones. Adults are the ones with power and I think with great power comes a greater responsability.
I meant “That is non-sexual.” No that this… *LOL* 😛
I meant to reply to this earlier, Ash. Congratulations on having found a top! I hope it gives you all that you need. 🙂
Thank you, Alyx. 😀 It is very hard having rules, but I have improved a bit. It’s good I found one with patience.
Patience is vital, Ash. (Especially for your top. *tickle* 😉 )
Okay now I feel bad about posting this. There are different schools of thought when it comes to disciplining children. I find it fascinating that in Ash’s country it’s illegal to spank a child. However, there was one part in the whole conversation that did rub me a little wrong. Never did I say anything about violence towards children. Violence against any living creature is wrong. I personally don’t consider spanking a child as violence and I personally don’t believe in using anything but your hand. My upbringing definitely pushed towards the abuse side of things and I do think that the yelling is much more traumatic and damaging. I guess that is why I feel comfort in Alyx’s stories when the Top does not do anything in anger. Anger and loss of control is what leads to violence of all types.
Alyx feel free to delete my thread. My intention was not to stir anything up. I was just curious about childhood spanking vs adulthood spanking. I blame my science background and the curiosity it brings. *s* Humblest apologies.
Don’t feel bad, Kayla. I just think spanking (even just with your hand) is not right. I do oppose more strongly to whipping than a swat, then again I do oppose more strongly to shooting your kids than spanking them (that’s an exageration to make my point, which is: while I get spanking your kids is not the same as getting drunk and lashing out at them; I think any form of hitting is wrong). I used the word violence because I feel strongly on the subject. But we may agree to disagree and I don’t believe you want to cause any harm to any living creatures.
All adults are violent towards children one way or another anyway. I don’t think they are terrible people and I wouldn’t actually label them as violent.
But if I explain my point further, I will actually… well, this is not the space for it.
To say the truth, I’m not sure I was right to post here at all and I do apologize, both to you and to Alyx.
And not actually answering your survey but related to it. I think my kink is unrelated to childhood. Well, actually I don’t really care, It’s like asking oneself why one is gay (why should we pose that question in the first place?) but I think it might very well be that I crave some discpline: some guidance and structure (I’ve been told I don’t need much punishment, feel free to laugh at it) because I lacked it as a child. Then again, it’s too simplistic to think one turns out one way because the way one was brought up. I do think early experiences shape us, but they are not destiny. I said children are vulnerable and it’s true but they are also darn strong. We humans are that way, a weird mix of strenght and vulnerability. Now I shall study a bit or I might end up actually needing punishment.
And again, I should have gone with my first instinct of not getting all rantey against spanking (and yelling, and harsh words, and silences that go on for days… really, i’m against lots of stuff) children in this blog. So I apologize.
Just to reply to your original post, Kayla:
1) I don’t agree with the way your friend is raising her child, and I wouldn’t baby-sit a kid that was that out of control myself. I wouldn’t invite my friend over very often either. *LOL*
2) DisneyDyke, I totally respect your view about not agreeing with spanking in any form. However I don’t agree with your comment about “all adults are violent toward children in one form or another anyway.” But maybe we’re defining “violence” differently.
3) I personally don’t feel there is a correlation between being spanked as a child and being interested in it as an adult. I’ve seen people who have never been spanked who were kinky, all the way to the extreme of those who had been physically abused as children and still manage to find pleasure in spanking as adults. For me, I’ve always had an interest in it. I was spanked as a child…nothing extreme. But the memories hold NO erotic content at all. Nothing about RL childhood discipline is connected with present pleasure. It’s not that I’m “traumatized” or anything. it’s that, for me, discipline in raising a child is like feeding or teaching a child — it’s totally divorced from anything sexual.
*ROTFL* Mil, that’s a cute memory! They would send bad kids to the principal’s office when I was in elementary (grade) school too, and like Kayla’s school, he had a big paddle. We lived in fear of it.
Y’know, Mil, they have some very interesting spanking furniture as well. So you can satisfy both interests at the same time. *vbg*
*LOL* Yes I have seen this furniture you speak of. But the pieces aren’t exactly discrete, are they? I s’pose I could palm it off as a piece of modern sculpture 😉
Modern sculpture, exactly. Especially if you decorate it with your painting skill. *g*
Oh, and just read your added part about the 5 bar gate. I realize it’s not fiction, but it makes a sexier story that TMT *didn’t* lay down the filth. Yup, that’s a little bit hot.
Arrrgg, *fifth not *filth.. I’d never suggest TMT was filth (unless “filth” means “awesome”)
(I laughed out loud when I saw “filth”!) Yup, TMT definitely knows how to increase the sexiness of a story….RL or not. 😀
Boy Alyx , ain know u was dat brave ! You would how had to have me tied down , because after dat first lick and remembering my mother and the switch…….. I would’ve been gone papi. You know when the roadrunner peel out when he see der coyote ( Wilde coyote super genius my boy ) dats how first I’ll be runnin. Big up’s to u dread. As wicked as I know I still am , I would’ve been more innocent that a lamb after dat ! Still runnin 🙂
*LOL* The Road Runner was a naughty bird, wasn’t he? *bg* But from what I’ve heard of the switch, I think it’s actually worse. Lots of little cuts is not my idea of fun!
But that’s a good point, Bahama Girl — even though I found the experience arousing and fun, I actually have no desire to repeat the mistake which got me in trouble in the first place. That says something, doesn’t it?
Yes ,it’s sayin ain doin dat no more ma’am . I’m the best behaved girl in the universe. The switch was never good , but neither was I 😉
A really good (if horrifying) description…I think I better go finish my work right now so I don’t have something like this coming to me tomorrow…*looks slightly green*
But glad that you enjoyed it.
The cane is definitely an instrument that makes one want to behave, Ana. *nodding* Which is exactly why I can understand why your governess needs to employ it (or at least threaten it) so often on you. *g*
Thanks for that evocative description of the sensation, Alyx. It’s almost…reassuring. *g* Of course, I will be on my very best behavior until I see you again so there will be no need to try it out on ME. *shaking head emphatically*
I should offer TMT my heartfelt gratitude for her bravery in being the test subject for Alyx’s very first attempt using it…but her actually GIVING Alyx the canes kind of cancels it out. There was no need for that. 😉
Poor Fizzy. You have my unreserved sympathy. I won’t express my opinion of the British love of canes because it’s not polite. 😉
That WAS brave of TMT, wasn’t it? But don’t worry, I shall make it a point to practice several more times before it’s necessary (notice I didn’t say “IF” it’s necessary) to use on you. 😀
Yikes! Canes are no joke. o__o
My only experience with canes is through pictures (but again, so is everything else spanking related) but surely canes look really scary and the marks they leave look awfully painful. 😦
Luckly you have TMT to, ehhh… practice with. *g* It takes a high level of trust to let anyone wield this implement and even use it on you. *bg* *waves to both Alyx and TMT* 😉
Hey Raine! The pictures you’re talking about do look scary and the marks can be very painful. But it can be used in a loving and arousing manner too, as I have discovered. My favorite “implement” though, is still a firm hand. 🙂
Fascinating. Simply fascinating. It’s always interesting to hear about how an implement is physically experienced, so too how it is emotionally experienced. The hint of ‘formality’ as you call it is entirely tantalizing. This is an excellent addition to the interwebbian repository of knowledge re: canes and caning.
Hey Loki , I thought you was look down dread 🙂
Hey Loki, long time no see! You’re right, the hint of formality and the apprehension over the unknown added a definitely charge to the experience. I forgot to mention too that I also experienced it both after a warm-up, and “cold” (just the cane directly, with no “lighter” spanking before it). While I don’t think the level of sensation was all that different, I do think I marked more easily without the warm-up. Oh, that just reminds me of yet another piece I forgot to put in! I will go do a quick edit after this. 🙂
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Canes are terrifying. I have also seen the horrifying pictures and I have watched the videos in fascination. Personally, I couldn’t deal with that level of sensation. No matter how gentle the wielder.
To each her own, Cutey. Like I said, I never thought I wanted to try it either. There are so many lovely implements out there, one can be happily spanked and never miss it, eh? 😀
I have been facinated by caned for a long time. We bought a bundle from Cane-i-ac and my Maistress tried them out on me. I liked them!. Not very hard, but enough to leave some marks.
I admit I want more.
Welcome, Bess Aida Glenn! Thanks for taking the time to comment. Yes, the very little taste I’ve had definitely leaves me wanting to try more too. And the marks are kinda sexy. *g*
First of all, Alyx, let me compliment you an your lovely website. I remember having that same feeling of unease about canes and how much damage they could do after hearing horror stories. I was fortunate enough to be with a top a couple of years ago who was able to introduce me to one very carefully and found that they don’t always have to be that horrible. I have also found it to be true that a top can be capable of causing more soreness from a hand or hairbrush spanking given as a true punishment than they can with a caning given very playfully.
Welcome, Quietgirl! Thank you for stopping by, and thank you for the compliment. 🙂 I agree with you totally about a hairbrush or even hand giving a harsher spanking than a cane used lightly! As I said in an above comment, the bruises I got from a hairbrush were worse and longer lasting than the sensations left by the cane. I’m glad you were introduced to it by a skillful top. Not everyone is so lucky as you and me.
Alyx, I’ll stick with my Canadian girlfriend who doesn’t want anything to do with the cane. She’s much like TMT very Toppy but we do switch on an occasion. She knows that if she uses any implement on me that there is a chance that she might also be on the receiving end of said implement some day. Geesh, I think I almost passed out just thinking about that impact and not to mention how intimidating TMT must be with her “formality.” You are brave. Thank you for sharing the whole darn time TMT was there. You may have a record for responses to your post. See, if only you thought like us brats more often. Look at all the love you got from that post. Fizzy, be careful! Hugs to you.
Naughtyney, I think you’re right about the record responses. *g* The vacation was a wonderful time and I’m grateful everyone was so patient about the extended absence. TMT formal and stern is a very intimidating thing, indeed. *g* On the other hand, that English accent just adds to the hotness, y’know? 😉
I’m happy you and your Canadian gf are so well-suited. But who knows? Maybe one day she’ll surprise you with the cane….after all, it was a surprise to me! *LOL*
*very big smile* Love it! I enjoyed reading your description of your first experience of the cane, Alyx. Do forgive me if you find me grinning at you all evening when I see you tonight. *still smiling*
Hey there, Fizzy. Looking forward to seeing you on your next visit. Be good! *bg*
You loved it because of my talent for description, right? *raised brow* I’m sure there isn’t any other reason you’d enjoy it so much! *snort*
P.S. Not that I have any reason to add to your enjoyment 🙂 but I did add another couple of paragraphs to the original post. I’d forgotten to mention something else I’d wondered about!
Well, thank you for adding that. There’s something very gentle about that indeed. And I’m very glad for you. 🙂
TMT is a basically gentle person….part of the reason I’m attracted to her. And I’m glad for me too. *LOL*
TMT seems like a gentle person but you do too. It’s great when nice ladies find each other, shows to us that real life is way better than The l word… and way better than The real L world. And for that I’m happy as well. 🙂
Aw, that’s a very sweet thing to say, DD. Thank you. 🙂
Well of course I loved it for your writing skills! 😛 I can’t think of anything else that would cause me to enjoy this post so much. *g*
When I mentioned to you that TMT’s voice and ‘being’ is so beautiful, I agree that her voice, her accent is irresistible. What I meant though was whilst talking with her, listening to her, being in her presence, I was absolutely captivated by how very gentle and loving she is. It almost felt like I was stoned or something, and I don’t even get high smoking the stuff! Indeed, TMT is beautiful in every sense of the word. You are a very lucky woman, Alyx. You both are. 🙂
What a very sweet and touching comment, pippin. Needless to say, I agree with you about TMT’s beauty in every sense of the word. She’s a very special person and I do indeed feel lucky. 🙂
I don’t find the cane enticing at all because of the formality. It just feels too cold and clinical, and the horrible bruising afterwards reinforces that to me. The only time I find it sort of ok is when the caning is done otk and is light enough to not cause any bruising or horrible marks.
By the way, I’m glad to have found this blog and the community attached to it and I can’t wait for the forum to be opened 🙂
Welcome, Omgomniscient! (Interesting name, btw. 🙂 ) I’d never been attracted to the cane before either, and part of the reason was I prefer my discipline to be more “personal.” But I was surprised to find out how it can be intimate after all. Nothing can beat (er…pun not intended *g*) the OTK position, though…I agree with you there!
The people who hang around this blog (and the forum) are a very nice bunch indeed. 🙂
I’m super nice. Yep
So I looked up 5 bar gate on google images. *L* I wanted to see a representation cuz my imagination is poor. *g* No worries it was just images of real gates but I have to say that you got lucky/or jippted cuz those gates have 5 vertial and 1 horizonal. Thinking TMT might have come back and do it correctly. 😉 Not that I think you would mind. *L*
grrrr that’s jipped. I got to proof read better.
*slaps forhead* Gesh…vertical
*lmao* okay I give up. Forehead. No more writing for me for awhile.
*lol* Kayla! I’m pleased I’m not the only verbal klutz.
I blame Alyx’s blog for not having an edit function.
Is that so, Mil? *raised brow* Because proof-reading one’s posts beforehand is completely out of the question, is it?
(You [or Kayla *bg* or anyone else] can always ask me to correct, you know. But putting an edit ability into brat hands — even if it were possible with my template, which it is not — would be a big mistake, I fear. 😉 )
You know, ironically, I wanted to edit the above almost as soon as I’d posted it. Sorry Alyx, I wasn’t showing my best manners *smile*
Feel free to edit any of my future spelling errors (unless they amuse you, in which case, you’re welcome).
I didn’t find it bad manners, Mil! I just thought you were bratting a bit. 😀 Which is why I responded in a topply manner. *g* But I don’t edit anyone unless they specially request it, so if there are any typos in your posts I will just file it under “amusement.” 😉
(P.S. If you bribe Fizzy, she could probably tell you some of the mistakes I’ve made in chat. *LOL*)
*Lol* Alyx, that whole *raised brow* thing does freak me out a little 😉 (Harden up?)
Hey Fizzy, if you’re reading this, do tell! 😀
Yes, Fizzy, I can make it worth your while. 😉
(Yeah, but can you make it worth the consequences from her top? *bg*)
Do you take payment in cookies, Alyx?
(double-bribing…this could get expensive!) 😉
Expensive indeed, young lady! And you may regret the price you have to pay in the END. 😀
No need to be embarrassed about that reaction, Mil, and no need to “harden up”! Tops will find that gratifying…and rather appealing. *bg*
Okay cool *smile*
(Oh and Ana really is asking for it with all that bribery, isn’t she? ;))
MIL!!!!!!! NO cookies for you!
So very true Alyx. *L* Heck I would be happy with a spell check button. I usually let Word check it before posting but I guess I had antsy hands yesterday.
Yikes, no, I would NOT want to experience the cane going vertically! You do realize the tip travels much faster than the middle, right? The impact from the end of the implement is much harder, and striking vertically would either mean it would land on one’s thighs or at the top of one’s butt — both extremely sensitive places! No, thank you, it was quite an experience just as it was.
Ain no y do dat to ya self in the first place . Like I said earlier babes , u would have had to tie me down and make sure there is no possible why I can escape , cause papi , ya girl was gunna breakout like dat was jail and somebody give me der key and say ” run forest , run ” . Dats all I’m sayin;)
Ah, methinks you protest too much, Bahama Girl! Must be because deep down somewhere you’re curious….. 😀
So no tally marks for you huh. *LOL* Yes I do believe you have posted a few times in your stories about the sensitiveness of the upper thighs. Hmmmm, you could remedy it by putting a towel across your thighs or heck maybe some chainmail would be better. *g*
*LOL* I’m pretty sure chainmail wouldn’t be allowed, even if I could get my hands on some! Indy mentioned she keeps her thighs covered, and I think that’s good advice if one is worried about that. (I was actually *cough* without any covering anywhere…good thing I trust my top. *bg*)
You are so funny! I do think that with all the chatter here that there is much more interest in the cane than they are letting on…me? Heck no, I just like chatting. (nervous giggle).
*bg* I think you’re right about all the curiosity and (unadmitted-to) interest, Naughtyney. Except for you, of course. 😉
Hey Kayla , I was spanked as a child , but I don’t spank my sons. I was very and I mean very wicked as a child and to tell you the truth I deserved everyone of the whippings , slaps and the dreaded switching my mother gave me. Man I talked my lilttle sister into jumping of the roof of our house because I told her I’d teach her how to fly like superman. Lol , gal look here my ma put a hurtin on me. My sons are angels ( ain no how dey get like that considering who dey ma is ) sometimes I can’t believe they are my kids. I told them about every bad thing I did , and they ask me how come I’m still alive. I told them…… Luck . Ash and DD , I’m with ya , I don’t think u should spank to child , find another way to punish them. Truth be told , I jut can’t stand to see them in pain like that . Alyx , forgive me for rantin on your blog sweetness 🙂
Superman huh? Now that is funny *L*
Whew I am feeling a massive bout of regret right now. *L* I don’t know how my post got turned into a debate about disciplining children exactly. No more examples for you guys, gesh. The survey was supposed to be about you yourself not debate about the best way to raise your child. That is one debate that will never have an answer and no one will ever win it’s to personal. I cause chaos wherever I go. *L*
I’m afraid that is probably my fault. I wasn’t trying to make a bit deal about it. I just tried to quickly explain why I was not spanked, and then move on to the grown up part. I didn’t mean to make it into a debate either. I have seen to many of that sort to start here on the blog. People never agree on that one anyway, and I wouldn’t want to bombard Alyx’s sexy cane post with off topic comments.
Alyx, I totally understand if you want to delete our comments. It was not exactly on topic. I’m sorry.
No worries Ash I’ll take the blame for this one *L* Knowing Alyx as the gentle understanding Top that she is, I’m crossing my fingers and hoping for just a hand slap. I hope they make knickers out of chainmail. Hmmmm might be kind of heavy though and would slow my get away. Either way I SWEAR I have learned my lesson.
No, I will get the hand slap! We are a kinky bunch, aren’t we? No, really. I was the one that got really rambley (“kids today” is a bit of a sore topic for me). And then got rambley to apologize for my rambling (have a way of apologies coming out as excuses, it’s out of nervousness). This is shorter: my apologies, ladies.
ALYX, DON’T KILL US DREAD!!!!!!!!!! WE AIN KNOW NO BETTER 🙂
Hmm…delete the thread or take several brats to task — up to and possibly including purely adult spanking *g* — gee, tough choice! 😀
Actually, I wish there was a way to move the comments to another thread, but there isn’t. I could delete them and repost them myself, and attach your names to them, but it would still show my IP address and icon, which is not the same. The reason I’d like to move them is that I was actually interested in the topic and considered putting up a new post about it. Just to express my own views on the matter. But I was too tired last night, and tonight I’m supposed to be: 1) trying to catch up on my online class, 2) cleaning up since my guest has departed, and 3) writing at least a couple of paragraphs of a story, any story (and TMT is “helping” me with this one, so it probably should be first in the list *bg*).
Okay, so I’m going to post this now and see to at least a couple of things on my list. Then I will come back and attempt to address the topic in a new post. In the meantime, I just wanted to reassure you guys that I didn’t find your discussion offensive, and I thought you conducted yourselves very well — expressing your own views without putting anyone else down. It’s a tricky subject and bound to stir up strong feelings, but you were well-behaved brats and I’m proud of you. *smile*
Though I still reserve the right to wallop some butts if I feel like it later. 😉
I feel the need to poke, just a bit because it has been such a long time since I have played with the teddy bear. My translation may be a bit off, but your ‘to do’ list for tonight seems to roughly translates into 1) procrastination, 2) not doing chores, and 3) procrastination. I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure you have taken several of us to task about some of the very same items. Okay, I’m done 🙂 I could not resist. I have enjoyed your posts lately!
I don’t know what’s up with you and bears, BG! Also, you are darn brave to poke one. Even a teddy bear. LOL.
That is clearly a brat translation, Basketball Girl, and considering the source, I am not surprised! *SWAT! SWAT! SWAT!* (Good to see your rascal self is still around, even if it is only to poke the bear. 🙂 )
I’ve missed you too Alyx 🙂
Doesn’t it make you wonder if I’ve really just been good the last couple months? OR is it more plausible that we have been having regular meetings at the secret bat cave genetically altering SP to give her super powers, while creating a strategic plan to catch a winged, fire breathing dragon, and testing out new electronic devices and such for our next mission?
Well off to be a perfect angel 😉
I think the second option is more plausible, frankly. Creating a super-brat as opposed to actually behaving?? That’s a no-brainer! 😉
Okay, breathing again for the reassurance (I hope you know I sometimes exaggerate, I’ve been breathing all this time).
And feel free to wallop my butt if you feel like it, of course. You’ll see. I get meek as a lamb…
Seriously, thank you for being so understanding. Still not cool going on that tangent on your blog I feel, so I’m sorry. But thank you as well.
Thanks, Alyx. You’re awesome. I’m really sorry about writing all that stuff in a post about sexytimes with the cane. Who cares how I grew up? *LOL* Tops getting caned is a much better topic. 😀
Kayla, I’m just kinda curious about like what Subject you teach and what grade level. [Sentence deleted by Alyx.] I was just really surprised to see a teacher interested in these types of things! xD
“Jamie,” I didn’t approve your comment right away because I was uncertain what to do. I was planning to write you personally to discuss your last post, but you have used different usernames and emails when posting here, so I don’t believe they are real email addresses. I don’t know whether what you said (the portion I deleted) is true, but if it is, I need to make something clear:
I wish you luck on your journey. Stay safe, young lady. 🙂
See told you, gentle understanding Top. *L* Teddy Bear huh….hmmmmm interesting image.
Ever been spanked by a hard paw, Kayla? *eg*
Excellent post! I especially liked the physical and emotional descriptions…it sounds like a whacking good time was had by all!!
I’ve always had a little bit of a fascination with the cane, and although I’m British, it was never a feature in schools here..I blame all the English public school stories I overdosed on as a youngster.
It’s something I would love to experience, just once, to see for myself what its like. It just looks so insignificant compared to other implements I’ve seen, your American paddles for example, look much more impressive!
Those canes must have motivational properties Alyx, I’m counting three blog posts in just over two weeks…are you feeling alright!
I would have commented sooner, but I just came back from a lovely holiday to somewhere very hot. How do you people who live in hot places ever get anything done? Seriously, I was knackered walking from the beach to the bar!
Hope you’re well Alyx, take care.
Forgot to say, had to write that comment on one of these daft wee phones because my laptop has died…so if there are any mistakes, tough titty! It’s taken me bloody ages!
“Tough titty”?? Have you been vacationing with Yanks, Sandy? *LOL*
The cane does have motivational properties. *nodding* And you definitely should try it one day. While an American paddle can do serious damage bruise-wise, the whipping ability of a cane makes it a serious implement. But one that can also be used in an exciting and intimate fashion.
You know, the first time TMT visited me, she was flattened by the heat too. But she adjusted. She observed that you have to move more slowly — you can’t go rushing around or you’ll get dizzy and drop! Plus tall frosty umbrella drinks, dips in refreshing blue waves, and lots of time in air-conditioning. One copes. 😀
Actually I think the air conditioning might make it harder to cope. I was in New York city years ago in August. Quite hot. I found it difficult to adjust to those sudden changes of temperature. Getting in and out of the subway, shops or buses… You needed a jumper indoors! I don’t like AC very much.
But maybe one gets used to AC too. And NYC is awesome.
Also, I like that one has to move slow and drink frosty umbrella drinks in hot whether. I feel like going somewhere sunny actually. It rains a lot here, in Rainydale.
One does get used to AC, Disneydyke. In fact it’s a life-saver sometimes! I get cold easily and am always wearing a jacket at work. And the rapid change in temperatures is probably not good for you, I agree. But Hawaii is not quite as hot as New York in summer, and we usually have lovely tradewinds.
I couldn’t live somewhere where the sun didn’t shine….I’m just not used to overcast skies all the time and it would definitely impact my mood/emotional state.
Hi Alyx, this made me curious about Hawaiian weather.. it seems you have a very constant ideal temperatures. There’s not a lot of change from season to season, and you don’t even seem to have a wet season. Is that right?
Geez! No irukandji jellyfish season? No crocks! Is there anything crap?
Yes, the weather in Hawaii is very temperate (and it sounds from your comments as if you’ve been looking that up *bg*). We are lucky to have temperatures moderated by the fact that we are in the middle of a vast ocean, so it takes out the extremes by the time it gets to us. Here is a quote about the weather:
But one of the nicest things is the ocean temperature. Here’s a quote about that:
We definitely don’t have all the poisonous things you have in Australia, but it also means we don’t have any of the big interesting land mammals (endemically, I mean. Obviously we’ve imported things like cattle and horses and pigs, etc.). We don’t have whatever jellyfish you mentioned here (will go look that up in sec), but we do have a box jellyfish “tide”: every 9 or so days after a full moon, they come into shore and you can get stung if you don’t watch out. Best to avoid swimming (or even walking on the beach!) during the 8-10 days after a full moon.
Rainbows and mild weather! You do live in paradise! Except maybe for the jellyfish…
Yet waking up to the sound of rain is beautiful. And yesterday the day started off rainy and then it got sunny. Last summer days are the best. Bittersweet though.
But yes, I think there’s actually a link between wheather and mood.
One gets used to the AC but… and here’s the granola moment of the day: Planet Earth doesn’t. 😉
I used to get cold easily but that changed a few years ago…and what did I do? I moved to the midwest…in the middle of summer… heh. 😉
I just found out your irukandji jellyfish is a kind of box jellyfish too! Interesting. Our lifeguards carry a vinegar solution to counteract the stinging of our box jellyfish.
You asked about the bad stuff. Well, once in awhile we get hurricanes come through, and very rarely tsunamis too. If you live on the Big Island (called Hawaii) there is the longest continuously-erupting volcano there, so the “vog” can get to you there or even on Oahu (where I live) if the winds blow a certain way. Some people miss having distinct seasons. And the cost of living is very high (without a corresponding high rate of pay) — lots of people have 2 jobs to make ends meet.
But I love the climate, the gorgeous scenery, the diversity, the friendliness of the people, the laid-back lifestyle, the interesting food. I think there are special things about every part of the world, and but I was born and raised here so naturally I love it.
Thanks for that, Alyx. Yes I’ve been doing some research (I am easily distracted). I’d have thought you guys would cop a “caning” from the weather at least part of the year. I suppose it makes sense since you are surrounded by warm water all year round your climate would be quite stable (you really are surrounded by A LOT of water, aren’t you?). It looks and sounds very idyllic, but as you say, every silver lining has a “vog” 😉 (Especially that part about cost of living – do we need to start paying you for your stories?)
I can’t believe you can sometimes get snow on the volcano and I love that you are visited every month by the jellyfish. It’s like your ocean has it’s own menstrual cycle 🙂
OMG, Mil! “It’s like your ocean has it’s own menstrual cycle” LOL! I really needed that laugh, so thank you for that! 😉
Glad to make you chuckle, Kiai.
Yeah.. can’t go swimming. The ocean has it’s period 😉
We are the most isolated place on earth, considering the amount of water between us and any other land mass, I think. Fortunately I do have a full-time job, so I can continue to post my stories for free. (I do want to try to sell something one day, just as a curiosity. But I kinda feel like my stories are a way of “giving back” to the community.) (Even if the gifts have been sparse lately. *snort*)
Yes, you could play in snow and a couple of hours later be swimming on the beach. *g* And Momma Earth has some periods that must be respected, doesn’t she! 😀
I have a love hate relationship with the cane. My very English Sir uses it with skill and a certain amount of regularity. I think in the hands of a skilled Top it can leave far less bruising etc than other seemingly less severe implements. However, it never ceases to make me shiver and do my best to avoid it, if for no other reason than I know I am in BIG trouble when it comes out. The acrylic cane is particularly horrid, ratten being ever so slightly easier to deal with. I am not ashamed to say though that I do tend to make quite a bit of noise and fuss during a caning and admire anyone who can maintain their composure.
Thank you for sharing Alyx. I find your description of your and TMT’s relationship very heartwarming.
I know what you mean about the shivers, Pixieplays. It’s intimidating in a way few other implements are. But I agree also it can be a thing of beauty and extremely effective in the hands of a skilled top like yours. (Or mine. *vbg*)
I think your relationship is very heartwarming as well, btw. 🙂
“Every poet has trembled on the verge of science.” ~ Henry David Thoreau
Which is one of the things I love about you, Alyx – if I in this instance am the poet and you the scientist. Your analytical ability and self-possession keep me mindful so that I am alert to how you are feeling emotionally, aware of how your body is responding, and it matters to me. It’s a lover thing. A love thing.
The cane *can* be impersonal if it is wielded without such connectedness , but then I think most interactions can be impersonal, even making love with someone you know. It is all in the intention. All in the trust and openness between you. All in the reaching out. If everything, every part of each of you is reaching out the cane can be overwhelmingly intimate.
When your lover is lying naked before you on a bed, shivering as you position her, raise her, ensuring her arms are outstretched just a little further and that she is perfectly posed, her little shiver of anticipation and fear is a reminder to you of how vulnerable she is and if you love her, how could anyone want to betray her love and go too far? There is the touch, the caress, running down her back to let her know that she is loved. There are the fingertips which balance the firm voice, with the mutual knowledge of intimacy.
*eg* On the other hand, of course, the point of the ritual *is* to raise the stakes, is to open the door a little bit so that she thinks about the potential of her position and also the reason she is there… it may be playful or it may be more serious, but if it is not pleasurable, then I have failed. A quick thwick of the cane makes her jump, burn and …pay attention. *g* There should always be just a little bite.
This focus and attention stretches her physicality, opens sensations, wants more, and less and hopes it won’t stop until she is satisfied and the cane is being held against her skin. You can soothe her with your voice as she gasps and replies; you can stroke her with your other hand and when you take it away, in the space and in the silence is the love between you and an understanding of it which makes this exchange possible.
I love that Alyx was prepared to make herself so vulnerable and experiment with the cane… and all I can say about her ‘lessons’ when she came to wield it herself, is that she is a quick study, combining sensuality, technique, pain and pleasure so that I would willingly bend again to her will. And how! *g*
Only occasionally though. As Alyx said, the cane is not for every day of the week, but it serves a purpose and is very good to have hanging in the back of the closet… just in case.
Happy Valentine’s Day, Darling – I miss you. xxxx
Wow ! That was some declaration of love from you to Alyx ma’am . If some of us can only have just a little of that special love that you to share ,we will have nirvana also. Kudos to you. Happy valentines day to you too. Loving you from the Bahamas 🙂
That was quite a Valentine’s Day present, My Love. And truly you are the poet to my scientist, most of the time. *smile* In that instance you were also the Top to my bottom, the instructor to my pupil, the musician to my instrument (and virtuoso of your own instrument!) and always, the lover of my dreams.
I am very very lucky to have you as my love and lover, and I miss you too. *kiss* XXX
Whoa…..I come to this post to read about the cane, and here I was, feeling so overwhelm with the declaration of LOVE from TMT to Alyx, really sweet and heartwarming…..I wish I find someone whom I can trust and love…..
Now back to the cane, you describe the experience so well Alyx, makes me want to try that someday. Many thanks for sharing your stories and experience Alyx and thank you for TMT to for the heartmelting poet, or whatever it is….wishing all the best for the both of you….
Aw, that’s very sweet of you, Jenny29. And I give you credit for reading the comments all the way to the bottom! 😀
TMT, aka Tenth Muse Top, seduces me with her words as much as everything else…continually! Her writing takes one’s breath away, and if you haven’t had a chance to read her stories, you can find them here: Tenth Muse Top’s blog.
Thanks for the suggestion Alyx, you were right. TMT was awesome, her stories are as hot and awesome as yours (just finished read the art of noise).
You guys rock…..
Usually I just go for the stories and not read the comments, but for your blog can’t miss the friendly and funny comments.
Just realize that you live in Hawai, and TMT come to see you from England? That is sooo awesome…..wish the very best for you ladies….
Thank you, Jenny29. Yes, we live very far from each other, and have visited each other a few times. It’s not easy, but it sure is worth it! 😀 (And I agree, her stories are awesome.)
First, I gotta find a woman who will Spank me very hard, because she enjoys playing these types of wifely games with me. So far, no woman seems interested.
I don’t think you’re alone in the search for a proper top, Dean Anderson. And sometimes I think it’s even harder for men than for kinky lesbians, and goddess knows we’re a minority group. I wish you luck in your search. 🙂