Search Engine Follies

Yes, that’s right girls and boys, it’s time once again to examine those terms that were put into search engines like Google or Yahoo, which somehow led people to my blog. I’ve got a ton of them for you this time, but these are only about 1/3 of the crazy searches I found!

With some it’s obvious why my blog came up — the keywords were used in my stories or my posts. But with some I am totally baffled as to why Alyxfic was a result. In any case, I hope you find them as entertaining as I do.

Yus. But I vant to be alone.

topperr ware
Same as above, but for pirates. Arrr.

alyx saying no
*g* Obviously a brat doing the searching.

spank that brat over my keen
This sounds vaguely Scottish. Sandy? Can you shed some light on this?

carring lesbo f/f
I really hope you misspelled “caring” and not “scarring.” *wince*

i have a terrible ache between my legs
I got something for that right here, sweetie. *patting crotch* *cough* Sorry, wicked butch moment there!

i am going to ground and spank your wife
And boy, is she going to enjoy it. πŸ˜‰

nice alyx , where did you get it from?
Nevermind me — do you always have conversations with Google???

i was struggling to juggle two part-time jobs and making it on time to the lecture hal
Listen, Google doesn’t want to hear your problems either.

whats my displine
You are sentenced to read a grammar book from cover to cover.

alyx huge
Huge WHAT? *suspicious look* Arse? Ego? Writing talent? It better be the last one.

alyx kift
alyx short shotys
I’m glad I appeal to the spelling and typing-impaired as well. πŸ˜†

lesbian alyx vance sex stories
I had to Google this one myself. Now I understand where all the Half Life 2 search references come from!

spanking witches
Oh yes, I firmly believe pagans need discipline too.

pen used in movie julie and julia
the pen is in her mouth
the pen is not just for writing
I’m sure there’s something kinky with all the pen searches, but I’d rather not go there.

cooling gel spanking
This on the other hand, is something kinky I could probably get into.

i have a new girlfriend,and was shocked,while we were at it when she said please discipline me now i have heard of this before. what,s up.. thanx.
I hope you found some answers on my site. Though it sounds more like you were practicing your story for the next Penthouse Variations issue. (What, am I the only one who read those?! :P)

apple theif spanking
Hey, you’re famous, TMT! 8)

how to make a poster of bratitude
Fizzy — this one’s for you! πŸ˜€

i’m looking for micah
Yeah, lots of us are. ‘Bout time she wrote another story, don’t you think?

her cheeks were spread
Hmm…don’t believe I’ve written that yet. But it’s in the queue. *eg*

did you know if you refuse to kiss a gypsy they can hurt you?
Really? Um…in a good way? *taking notes*

gypsy ear stretchers
I don’t think so! If they can hurt you from just refusing to kiss them, can you imagine what they’d do to you if you did THAT?!

tis better give than receive
*nods* That’s in the Top Handbook. Right after “Do as I say, not as I do.”

cassie the dragon naked breast picture/dragon tales
What, I have naked breast pics??? *going to check them out*

+”on my bare bottom”+”her buttocks”
Let’s see…..equals “double your pleasure”?

+whipped +”prison yard” +ass
Is this the “new math”?? Looks like more fun than the old math!

i drove drunk do i deserve to be spanked
You deserve to have your license revoked for a 6 months, for a first offense. AND you deserve to be spanked.

f/b discipline story
Uh…brat? Beast? Barbie doll? Barn owl? Burger?? I give up.

A good reason not to use well-known sayings as topic titles:
what do you think is meant by β€œthings are not always what they seem”?
who said things are not always what they seem to be
things is not always as you sure they are
things doesn’t seem to be as they seem
on another day no things as they seemed

little brats in undies
Aw, that sounds like a bedtime story.

spanked rear end pictures
Ooo, good search! I’d like to see some of those myself. *makes note*

“put your palms flat on the” spanking
Wow, I didn’t know that was a genre! *takes more notes*

spank her fuck her repeat three times
Sounds like a recipe for…a really good time. πŸ˜€

“uh got damaged”
Oh, you southerners are so easily bruised.

lesbain disiplain
“When in doubt, make it rhyme” is my motto too!

made naked by surprise
Bet not as surprised as the one who found you.

when she hugged uncle bob marci felt his crotch press against hers. there was something lumpy down
Yeah, well someone better call Child Protective Services on lumpy Uncle Bob, that’s all I’ve got to say.

sent room knee young now ow ouch over crying no please chair lady
Oh yes, you will, missy! And stop calling me chair lady!

she was sure a spanking would be good for herself
LOL! I’m pretty sure no one in my audience would admit that.

alyx left arm weird
Listen, that’s extra muscle developed from pinning brats down…and it’s not polite to call it “weird.”

inanna lay against the fig
There must be some kinky Sumerian myths I’m missing out on here.

sapphic palm rub
Yeah, it’s a regular practice among our sort. *eg*

Vanilla people who were disappointed when they clicked on my link:
things to be certain on a turnabout
red tapestry bolster
regal harvest fabric
different type of jaws
sailor gypsy dolphin
i post philosphical stuff on my blog
shine hair with kerosene gypsy
willa’s wild life blows her nose

Kinky people who were disappointed when they clicked on my link:
fuck her wheel she watch tv
portuguese porn
“sister in law” “her motorcycle” horny
f/f ass licking thread
incredulously pained stories of discipline
the comeuppance of the mature housewife was complete when the corrections officersΒ started spanking her bare bottom
alyx feet tickling
punished in sweatpants

dreadfully placed discipline stories
I beg your pardon!

what does rowan butt mean
That Mr. and Mrs. Butt liked Old Norse names?

what good comes.from domestic discipline?
Good kinksters often do. But I think you misspelled “come.”

kickass spanking fic
Why, thank you. *blushing* Glad to see SOME searches were accurate!

This entry was posted in Laughing WITH You Not AT You, Miscellany. Bookmark the permalink.

55 Responses to Search Engine Follies

  1. sunnidlite says:

    That was a great assortment of follies. You sure know how to make people laugh:)

  2. Fizzy says:

    LOL I’m still mulling over the person who searched for “Portuguese porn”…in English.

    You’re now coming up as the top search on Google for “kickass spanking fic”! Congratulations. πŸ˜†

  3. Dawn says:

    Omigosh, Alyx. You are TOO funny! The terms used in searches were funny on their own, but your responses were hilarious. Thanks for some great laughs.

    Still chuckling,


  4. alsyn says:

    Alyx, I just wanted you to know the search “alyx saying no” wasn’t me! giggle alsyn

  5. 1chicklet says:


    Thank you, I did not know how much I needed a good laugh, until I cried.

    I do hope that things have eased up some for you. I am also glad to hear that you are going to start taking better care of yourself. (Eyebrows raised) Tis not a wise thing to put off one’s health.

    Being more borg, I do not make a habit of hugging, but for you well you are a special case. *HUGS*


    • Alyx says:

      Hey Chicklet,

      I’m glad you had a good laugh. And yes, I have lots of people on my case about my health, you’ll be glad to hear! πŸ˜€

      Borg, eh? And do you wear a catsuit like Seven of Nine? πŸ˜‰

      Hugs back,

      • 1chicklet says:


        Just how many people does it take to get Alyx to start taking better care of herself? Hmm… 1…..2….3….4? Reminds me of a song, perhaps you have heard it. *eg*

        I do not wear a catsuit like Seven of Nine, but I will leave you to wonder if I am the Borg Queen or if I wear a Starfleet uniform with lots of rank. πŸ˜‰

        • Alyx says:

          Oh, I know the answer to that already: Starfleet uniform, 4 gold pips on collar. πŸ˜€

          • 1chicklet says:

            I think you skipped a couple of questions there Alyx. *raises eyebrow*

            And the question that you did answer well, I did get a promotion somewhere in there to a higher rank. πŸ˜€ But I am very impressed. YAY!!!!

            Makes my heart fill with joy getting to see this side of you. That grumpy side, well I find it a bit short. I might venture to say dwarf like. LOL

            • Alyx says:

              Are you referring to our Katherine becoming a Vice Admiral (I believe that’s what she ended up as)? True, but in my mind and heart she will always be the Captain who exchanged banter with Seven of Nine. πŸ™‚ (And there’s definitely kinky fanfic in there somewhere…if only I had the time!)

  6. SP says:

    LOL very entertaining. Glad to see your cheery side back!
    Oh, didn’t know your left arm was weird … hehehheh… at least it’s not your right arm (btw, you’re right handed right?) *wink*

    • Alyx says:

      Oh, I don’t know that my cheery side is back, exactly. More like I wanted to post something less grouchy! πŸ˜€

      And yes, I am right-handed. But can easily learn to whack with my left, if necessary! (And my left arm is NOT weird….i have no idea where that came from!) 😑

  7. bystander says:

    What a giggle, thankyou for posting πŸ™‚

  8. Tarabeth says:

    This was a riot! Now I want to go see which searches have led people to my story pages.

    It was lovely to see a less grouchy post…but I have to admit there have been several minutes of road rage lately that have then turned into laughter, because they made me think that the naughty drivers would end up on your list! I now have visions of Alyx’s Road Side Spanking Booth for Naughty Drivers. *g*

  9. katherine93 says:

    These were all pretty funny, except for the Dragon Tales Cassie one. That references a show in the states called Dragon Tales. It’s for small children.

  10. sandy says:

    This used to be such a nice respectable blog, now crotches are being patted, huge big arses are popping up everywhere (definitely something you aren’t telling us about that one), Inanna with her glorious lady bits, the name Cassie and naked breasts in one sentence…it’s all enough to give a person hot flushes!! I shan’t be at all surprised to see your own personal favorites of wa****g and sh*****g one of these days. It’s fortunate I like smut!

    Hilarious post Alyx, especially the responses you gave, what makes it better is seeing you a little bit more like your old self…even if some of the grumpiness has yet to wear off!

    Take care.

    • Alyx says:

      It is indeed fortunate you like smut, Sandy. Because it’s likely to get worse before it gets better. :mrgreen: But after your comment about the coarseness of it, I am very careful not to throw the “w*nking” word around! πŸ˜›

      I suspect the grumpiness will never fully dissipate, though. I’m getting cranky and misanthropic in my old age! πŸ˜†

  11. Kayla says:

    “little brats in undies
    Aw, that sounds like a bedtime story.”

    That one made me chuckle.

    • Alyx says:

      Well, it DOES sound like one, doesn’t it? Ooo, I just thought of a new fairy tale — “Ruby Red and the Seven Brats”! πŸ˜€

      • SP says:

        Hah, I like it!
        How about this one: β€œRuby Red, Dwarf Top and the Seven Brats” ROTF

        Disclaimer: free association, no personal reference whatsoever πŸ™‚

      • Kayla says:

        Oh that sounds like a fun one! *waits patiently for you to write it…..hell to write any story*

        • Alyx says:

          Hmm, the “hell” inserted there directly contradicts the “waits patiently” but I will overlook it, young lady.

          I was actually thinking of writing that tale, but a little bird told me it might be forthcoming soon from another source! I can’t wait. πŸ˜€

  12. alsyn says:

    I didn’t know you wrote bedtime stories Alyx, hehehe maybe you could read one to us like
    Ms. L.R. does. Just teasing Alyx giggle :). I’ll be good now alsyn

    • Alyx says:

      Who is “Ms. L.R.,” Alsyn?? But in any case, I suspect your being good is a very temporary state! πŸ™‚

      Edited to add:
      Okay, my brat (who is occasionally sharper than I, but too wise to post about it) pointed out the very obvious answer: Ms. L.R. is the (in)famous Loki Renard, who so thoughtfully provides stories read in her very own exotic accent! I enjoy those too, Alsyn. But it’s not going to happen here. For one thing, my accent isn’t exotic, just different. *bg* And my stories would not be complete without the sound effects, so I’d have to have an assortment of brats available to provide the sounds of impact and the cries of distress. Not sure where I’d find those…. πŸ˜‰

  13. sandy says:

    Meant to say yesterday…”Spank that brat over my keen” isn’t Scottish, unless you’re confusing keen with kilt, then maybe it could be…might be a secret language I’m not aware of though!

    Also, I think a podcast, like the ones Loki made, is a fantastic idea! You could use them as a sort of getoutofwritinganotherstoryfree card, similar to Monopoly. You already have all the material and just think, no more of “When are you going to write another story Alyx”. All you’d have to do is read it aloud, I’m certain you’d have a mile long queue of brats who’d be more than happy to help out with the sound effects. Something to think about maybe!


    • Alyx says:

      I’m not confusing keen with kilt, I just thought it sounded like a Scottish expression. Being odd and all that. *teasing g*

      A podcast is very unlikely, though I appreciate your enthusiasm, Sandy. But maybe I’ll tape my growling one day and send it to you, if you’re nice to me. πŸ˜†

  14. alsyn says:

    Alyx I just wanted you to know that I think you are pretty even tempered, I can’t tell
    which side is which. (Sweet smile here, and lots of giggling).
    And Miss Sandy is right, although I won’t be volunteering as one of the brats, I think
    you should read us one of your stories they are all good. (Whispering, pick one with
    Fizzy in it ok!) Alsyn

    • Alyx says:

      I’ll let Fizzy decide whether she wants to provide the sound effects in a podcast, how ’bout that? πŸ˜€

      (And yes, I’m actually very even-tempered. Good thing with all the provocation I must endure from you brats! πŸ˜‰ )

  15. micah says:

    Hey, Alyx….I’m a frequent visitor to your “kickass spanking fiction” but I can’t find the gypsy ear stretchers anywhere…*bg*

    • Alyx says:

      I know! I never even wrote about grabbing one by her ear! (I do know a woman with some gypsy blood in her, but I think if I were to stretch her ear I’d never sit comfortably again! *LOL*)

  16. tigger0011 says:

    Wow, Alyx! I didn’t know I was the only one wondering where the heck Micah was! Gee…her own search…
    And what is up with you and the Julie/Julia movie people? I don’t remember any spanking at all in that movie! Did I see an edited version or something??/

    • Alyx says:

      Yes, your top is famous now, Tigger! Or at least…wondered about. πŸ˜†

      You mean you didn’t see that scene where Julia took a wooden spoon and bent her assistant over the counter?? There was one roasted rump served that night, let me tell you! πŸ˜‰

  17. lola says:

    :::covering my mouth but giggling until a snort or two escapes:::: too funny !

  18. Dani says:

    I think this post has made me adore you πŸ™‚ Thank you!

  19. Oh this whole thread is a hoot from beginning to end! Love it.
    Thanks for the laughs, Alyx!

    *still giggling*
    ~ Aer

  20. Espy80 says:

    A year after the last post and I’m giggling too … Might have missed the boat for the main discussion but this is a really funny thread 🌹🌹🌹thank you🌹🌹🌹

    • Alyx says:

      I’m glad you enjoyed it, Espy80. πŸ™‚ It always cracked me up too, but I haven’t even looked at the search engine results in months. Wonder if people are still finding my site through misdirection? *g*

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