I was going to title this post, “Sometimes it Pays to Listen to Your Brat,” and write about the wise things brats can say. But that’s for another post. Recent events have convinced me I should instead write about the wiseass things brats can say. Or is it only my brat who’s driven to make statements which increase her danger of personal global warming? *shaking head* You think I’m exaggerating?
On not doing her allotted 15 minutes of chores that day:
Alyx: So — you didn’t do your mail, hm? *raised brow*
Brat: No ma’am. I thought about it….
Alyx: You THOUGHT about it??
Brat: Then I thought, “Should I wear different shoes?”….and that was my 15 min.
On courting pneumonia:
Alyx: How come your feet got wet???
Brat: I didn’t wear my rain boots.
Brat: I know, I really regretted it.
Alyx: Aren’t you the one who told me the weather was going to be bad?!
Brat: Yes but it was so sunny this morning! I thought the weather people had been wrong!
Which might lead you to believe she’s a bit naive, but that’s definitely not the case.
Alyx: That’s why my 2-year-old niece is easy to spoil, because you feel so bad when she’s sad, you know?
Brat, nodding sagely: I bet!
Alyx: She’s kind of sensitive and I empathize with that.
Brat: That’s actually fiendishly clever.
Alyx: What! Only a brat would think of that!!
Brat: “Hmmm….NOT throwing tantrums….yeesssssss.”
Alyx: Damn. I may be being played like a violin!
In fact, sometimes I think she is downright sneaky….
Alyx: Please remember that I am perfectly capable of chuckling and spanking you soundly at the same time!
Brat: Yes ma’am. It would never occur to me to try to weaken your arm by making you laugh.
Of course, I don’t believe that for a second!
Alyx: Now…ask me for your spanking.
Brat: Please spank me for staying up so late last night.
Alyx, patting her cheek in preparation: How should I spank you?
Brat: Please spank me gently and briefly?
(All right, yes, I did lose it at that point. But you’ll be glad to hear that I made up for laughing by spanking her longer and harder.)
Sometimes she seems downright self-destructive.
Alyx: You stayed up till 2:00 am?!
Brat: Um, yes. I didn’t mean to.
Alyx: How does one “not mean to” go to bed at 2am?!?
Brat: One gets home from dinner and sits down at the computer and doesn’t look at the clock….I know, it’s not a good excuse.
And other times very aware that the best defense is a good offense.
Brat: I wasn’t trying to get away with it, I told you didn’t I??
Alyx: You did tell me, but I had to drag it out of you, didn’t I? Were you hoping I would just not notice and drop the subject?
Brat, earnestly: I knew you were much too smart not to notice.
Alyx, trying not to grin: You get points for trying flattery while in a vulnerable position, I’ll give you that!
Brat: There are things you say while bare bottomed over someone’s knee, and things you don’t. I am not a stupid brat.
Sometimes, she’s foolishly provoking,
Brat: I have learned my lesson and I will never prevaricate again.
Brat: Next time, I’ll just flat-out lie.
KIDDING! Kidding. *lol*
or nearly suicidal,
Brat: The good thing about rulers is that they can easily slip behind pieces of furniture and vanish.
Alyx: Is that right? *growling*
Brat: I’m just saying…… It’s a risk.
and her brat nature shows quite clearly.
Alyx: I wish I could do yoga, but I’m just not flexible enough.
Brat: I took one yoga class and hated it. I like stretching, but I don’t like holding the poses and being told to feel all spiritual about it.
And other times, she could warm the coldest top’s heart. *bg*
Brat: I did think about just letting it go past but then envisioned your wrath if you worked it out later…see, I’m learning! Confessing up front is better for my behind. 🙂
In any case, she does keep me on my toes.
Alyx: Good. Then all we have to address is you slacking off on your homework for the past few days! *lining up the ruler carefully* *WHACK!*
Brat, wailing: We already addressed it! And stamped it and mailed it! OW!
Alyx, chuckling: That’s right, and you are about to get it Special Delivery!
Ah…I’m a lucky top. 🙂