Brattitude

I was going to title this post, “Sometimes it Pays to Listen to Your Brat,” and write about the wise things brats can say. But that’s for another post. Recent events have convinced me I should instead write about the wiseass things brats can say. Or is it only my brat who’s driven to make statements which increase her danger of personal global warming? *shaking head* You think I’m exaggerating?

On not doing her allotted 15 minutes of chores that day:

Alyx: So — you didn’t do your mail, hm? *raised brow*
Brat: No ma’am. I thought about it….
Alyx: You THOUGHT about it??
Brat: Then I thought, “Should I wear different shoes?”….and that was my 15 min.

On courting pneumonia:

Alyx: How come your feet got wet???
Brat: I didn’t wear my rain boots.
Alyx: *frown*
Brat: I know, I really regretted it.
Alyx: Aren’t you the one who told me the weather was going to be bad?!
Brat: Yes but it was so sunny this morning! I thought the weather people had been wrong!
Alyx: *facepalm*

Which might lead you to believe she’s a bit naive, but that’s definitely not the case.

Alyx: That’s why my 2-year-old niece is easy to spoil, because you feel so bad when she’s sad, you know?
Brat, nodding sagely: I bet!
Alyx: She’s kind of sensitive and I empathize with that.
Brat: That’s actually fiendishly clever.
Alyx: What! Only a brat would think of that!!
Brat: “Hmmm….NOT throwing tantrums….yeesssssss.”
Alyx: Damn. I may be being played like a violin!

In fact, sometimes I think she is downright sneaky….

Alyx: Please remember that I am perfectly capable of chuckling and spanking you soundly at the same time!
Brat: Yes ma’am. It would never occur to me to try to weaken your arm by making you laugh.

Of course, I don’t believe that for a second!

Alyx: Now…ask me for your spanking.
Brat: Please spank me for staying up so late last night.
Alyx, patting her cheek in preparation: How should I spank you?
Brat: Please spank me gently and briefly?

(All right, yes, I did lose it at that point. But you’ll be glad to hear that I made up for laughing by spanking her longer and harder.)

Sometimes she seems downright self-destructive.

Alyx: You stayed up till 2:00 am?!
Brat: Um, yes. I didn’t mean to.
Alyx: How does one “not mean to” go to bed at 2am?!?
Brat: One gets home from dinner and sits down at the computer and doesn’t look at the clock….I know, it’s not a good excuse.

And other times very aware that the best defense is a good offense.

Brat: I wasn’t trying to get away with it, I told you didn’t I??
Alyx: You did tell me, but I had to drag it out of you, didn’t I? Were you hoping I would just not notice and drop the subject?
Brat, earnestly: I knew you were much too smart not to notice.
Alyx, trying not to grin: You get points for trying flattery while in a vulnerable position, I’ll give you that!
Brat: There are things you say while bare bottomed over someone’s knee, and things you don’t. I am not a stupid brat.

Sometimes, she’s foolishly provoking,

Brat: I have learned my lesson and I will never prevaricate again.
Alyx: Good.
Brat: Next time, I’ll just flat-out lie.
*long pause*
KIDDING! Kidding. *lol*

or nearly suicidal,

Brat: The good thing about rulers is that they can easily slip behind pieces of furniture and vanish.
Alyx: Is that right? *growling*
Brat: I’m just saying…… It’s a risk.

and her brat nature shows quite clearly.

Alyx: I wish I could do yoga, but I’m just not flexible enough.
Brat: I took one yoga class and hated it. I like stretching, but I don’t like holding the poses and being told to feel all spiritual about it.

And other times, she could warm the coldest top’s heart. *bg*

Brat: I did think about just letting it go past but then envisioned your wrath if you worked it out later…see, I’m learning!Β  Confessing up front is better for my behind. πŸ™‚

In any case, she does keep me on my toes.

Alyx: Good. Then all we have to address is you slacking off on your homework for the past few days! *lining up the ruler carefully* *WHACK!*
Brat, wailing: We already addressed it! And stamped it and mailed it! OW!
Alyx, chuckling: That’s right, and you are about to get it Special Delivery!

Ah…I’m a lucky top. πŸ™‚

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21 Responses to Brattitude

  1. fizzybrat says:

    I think you have a very lucky brat.

    (Lucky she can sit down at all.) πŸ˜†

  2. Alyx says:

    Y’know, Fizzy, I have to agree with you there — it’s amazing she has any butt left! *LOL*

  3. Dreamgirl says:

    Oh, I get it … Fizzy is THE brat, isn’t she? πŸ™‚ Outta be spanked by being soooo witty!

    • Alyx says:

      Hey Dreamgirl,

      When you say “Fizzy is THE brat” do you mean it like Fizzy is an uber-brat? Because I think we’re all agreed on that, yes? πŸ˜† (Yeah, she’s the one. See now why I have my hands full??)

      You try being witty with TA….let us know where that gets you. Heheheh. *eg*

  4. sandy says:

    Now that is one cheeky madam!!
    But I think you’re being a big softy Alyx….spoiling her with wimpy implements like rulers. A more substantial weapon would do the trick, I’m sure you own quite a few.

    Enjoyed reading this little exchange, a tiny bit longer and it could’ve qualified for the story page…you do remember the story page don’t you Alyx, it’s the place where stories go. Just reminding you, in case you’ve forgotten it(kidding…I know you’re busy). Keep up the great blogging work!
    s.

    • Alyx says:

      “Cheeky madam” is an extremely good description (and one of my favorite Brit phrases, as it happens *vbg*), Sandy! A more substantial implement? Have you any suggestions? *very interested* I’d hate to gain a reputation as a big softy! πŸ˜‰

      And speaking of cheeky madams, young lady, I don’t need any reminders about the story page. I do know it’s been awhile. *sigh*

      Thank you for stopping by, Sandy. I always enjoy hearing that lovely burr in my mind whenever I read your text. πŸ˜€

  5. Cutey says:

    Fizzy is my hero…

    • Alyx says:

      Cutey, I would be very careful about taking that brat as your role model! Unless you want to end up sleeping on your tummy, that is. πŸ˜€

    • fizzybrat says:

      why thank you Cutey. and thanks for that interesting idea in the forum about putting My Little Pony stickers all over people’s things…or, better yet, simply giving a bunch of stickers to someone’s young relative and pointing them in the right direction so that you yourself are totally innocent…hehe…. πŸ˜€

      • Alyx says:

        You DO remember how I said I spoil my niece but would have no problem spanking you, right? Just thought I’d mention that, apropos of nothing…. πŸ™‚

  6. Hal says:

    A girl goes away for a tiny bit and comes back to find all kinds of changes!

    Loving the new blog my friend. Hugs

    • Alyx says:

      Hal! Glad you dropped by. *hug* Yes, I’ve been busy. (Though not busy enough, apparently! *snort* However I am now at least 2/3 through my story, so hopefully should have something to send to the editor soon.) Thanks for the comment. πŸ™‚

  7. BickaBecka says:

    Wow, she sounds like quite a brat! I enjoyed reading this πŸ™‚

    • Alyx says:

      Yes, she’s a special brat, all right. πŸ˜† Glad you stopped by, Becka!

      • BickaBecka says:

        I’m happy to πŸ™‚ and hope to more often!

        BTW that McDonalds thing? It’s because they don’t have set prices, so prices could change from outlet to outlet.

        • Alyx says:

          Yes, I realize the different franchises set their own prices, so I understand why the corporation doesn’t post prices. But in all the World Wide Web I find it astonishing that not one person posted a price! I saw many people asking, but (other than a couple of replies for Australia or the UK, which didn’t help me) no one saying, “This is how much it costs at the McDonald’s near me.” All of them said, “Go get a menu in the restaurant and look.”

          Contrast that to if you Google “How much does a large Coke cost?” You will get dozens of answers: “This is how much it costs at my McDonald’s”….just weird. Anyway, no worries, I got my answer via another means, and that’s all I needed for a tiny piece of my story. Thanks. πŸ™‚

  8. cras says:

    You know, I have come to realize that I get in a lot less trouble now that I’m done with school. I think it’s not that we’re misbehaving, it’s that the school environment makes it appear as though we’re misbehaving. I just thought I’d throw that out there.

    Also, I’m making a note of a lot of those replies and comments. I think they’re brilliant and I’m going to use them first opportunity I get.

    And I don’t think you can get pneumonia just from getting your feet wet. πŸ˜‰

    Good to see this blog up and running. Thanks for the link. πŸ™‚

    ~cras

    • Alyx says:

      Now why doesn’t it surprise me that Fizzy’s naughtiness would appeal to you? *rolls eyes* And “it’s that the school environment makes it appear as though we’re misbehaving”?? Oh yeah, that kind of thinking would appeal to my brat, all right! *snort* Good thing she has someone who can address those type of remarks. (“Is that so? Then it’s probably the school environment which will make it appear as though you’re being punished!” *whack!*) πŸ˜€

      Thanks for stopping by, Cras.

  9. disneydyke says:

    Hey, when I read this I was a lurker, so I’m commenting now that you posted it on the forum. It warmed my heart then, it warms my heart now. And you are both very funny ladies. My favorite might be the one about yoga. Haven’t taken yoga but I do relate. If someone tels me to feel all espiritual, the only thing I want is to roll my eyes. But I don’t, of course. I’m not a brat. πŸ˜‰

    • Alyx says:

      Not sure how I missed this post — sorry about that, Disneydyke! Yes, that comment about yoga cracked me up too. That does illustrate her personality perfectly, though. πŸ˜€

      And no, of course you’re not a brat. *not rolling eyes at that because I’m not a brat either*

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